Strictly 2021 – Week 3, Main Show: A Goose Asking a Question

Well, it’s one way to describe Movie Week.

It is of course the scariest time of year: Halloween Movie Week! And we’ve got body horror, glittery injury detail, CATS (2019) talk, waking nightmares and cursed kingdoms!

Of course in the lead up to Movie Week everyone has to walk the red carpet, so if you were wondering why Adam Peaty had showed up on It Takes Two in full black tie, it wasn’t because she’s trapped in some sort of formal wear face off with Dan Walker, he had just had to film this bit

Katya of course finding the time to slip into a different, extremely tight glam outfit

once again, her brand is a potent thing. I imagine wrestling
Meanwhile John and Johannes have reached the point of couplehood where you’re ok to just dress as one another

and apparently somewhere had a really good deal on white turtlenecks

the big event everyone was gathering for being the big Movie Week Pro Dance and with the BBC splashing out on licensing several Disney properties, The Bodyguard soundtrack, Obligatory Bond and still paying off Vicky Gills’ ostrich feather extortion costs, the opening dance was just a miscellaneous period drama, rightfully starring Johannes in the pivotal roll of Wistfully Melancholy Gay King

I for one am OK with the monarchy all of a sudden? Funny that.
The story is simple, his kingdom is trapped in an unfortunate state of heterosexuality

it’s a truly terrible affliction, harrowing even. Luckily there is someone brave enough to stand up against it, with Kai helping everyone break the mould

DOES GRAZIANO MEAN NOTHING TO YOUR JOHANNES?

Remember when this was the Premium Gay Content that the BBC expected us to be uproariously happy with? They were barefoot, we were not pleased.

Back to the period drama and it really was a beautiful routine and I do indeed get goosebumps every time the music swells and the camera sweeps around with Kai and Johannes just BEAMING while everyone applauds and then joins up in their own same sex couples

The show has come on a long way since Emeli Sande’s Big Gay Anthem™. Although I will take issue with Jason Gilkison describing this dance as “a display of tolerance” because I feel like we left the idea of homosexual and queer relationships being merely “tolerated” in the 90s. But I’m glad we got this uplifting and beautiful routine and not you know… Brokeback Mountain: The Sad, Conflicted Cowboy Waltz.

And with the pro dance done, it’s on to our hosts who both embraced Movie Week with Claudia donning a pair of ruby slippers and I guess Tess dressed as The Colour Purple and standing permanently on the verge of pulling an Angelina Jolie

Tess looks particularly good in that colour, I’m supremely jealous.

As for the judges, Shirley came dressed as the red carpet

and Motsi just looked utterly bloody incredible with her gold threaded Bantu Knots and the pair of Chicken Run extras that she was wafting around

Motsi always looks good but I was repeatedly struck by how good she looked this evening.
And in true Men on the Red Carpet fashion, Anton and Craig wore a pair of black suits, with Anton I suppose at least jazzing it up slightly by going for a brocade

and with the judges introduced, the main characters of the evening get to gather on the dancefloor where they stand looking like the most cursed crowd scene in Space Jam: 2021

Katya was enjoying that glittery loincloth and general threat of nudity far too much. Good for her.

I would say go grab your popcorn ahead of the dances but I am very much on the side of STOP EATING IN THE CINEMA YOU HEATHENS. So have a drink and sip it quietly.

Judi Love and Graziano The One Name Diva
Charleston / When You’re Good To Mama – Chicago

Having been thoroughly let loose in last week’s Samba, Judi was being somewhat reigned in with her Chicago themed Charleston – which is genuinely a sentence I thought I’d never write considering the Charleston is usually when they force feed a celebrity contraband uppers from Vanuatu but apparently The Charleston is too good for Twerking.

The big thing about this routine for Judi was the fact she wouldn’t be in hold very much and was going to have to be dancing side by side with Graziano which for the most part she did very well but she never fully mastered the speed of the routine, even with this being a much slower Charleston. If a Charleston at all in Craig’s book – but that’s on whichever ferret picked the movies for everyone this week. And the song was maybe a touch off for a Charleston in that it was a little too smooth but I think Judi made it work. But I’m mostly relieved that it seemingly limited the amount of gurning the two of them managed, although Judi Love is proficient in the art of the look to camera

not to kink shame but Graziano put in A LOT of braces snapping in this routine, you learn a lot about the pros during these routines. And equally as much from the clothes they wear – it is absurd and yet makes complete sense that Graziano owns monogrammed fedoras

which combined with the way the lighting obscures his eyes makes him look like the world’s worst unidentifiable press informant.

In the wake of last week’s quite frankly Internet breaking routine, Judi does get a video message from The Actual Sean Paul which Claudia tells us profusely no less than 5 times that nobody asked him to send this message so I imagine he just kept sending them until someone told him to stop

So you know, the ball is in your court Queen Latifah.

Judges’ Scores:
Craig
: 4
Motsi: 7
Shirley: 7
Anton: 6
TOTAL: 24

Somehow Sean Paul’s video message wasn’t the weirdest one because Emilia Fox got to read out the terms and conditions while apparently being held hostage in a gastro pub

Blink twice if you need help and 3 times if the Yorkshire puddings are any good.

Prince Phillip (not that one) and Princess Aurora McSleeping-Beauty
Foxtrot / Once Upon a Dream – Sleeping Beauty

Well, if anything went well with this routine, at least Nadiya got the good cosplay for the week

because there weren’t a lot of other positives about this routine, except for the fact The BBC is getting their’s money’s worth out of the immovable white horse

I cannot wait to see who gets to be The Headless Horseman atop their Ghostly Steed at Halloween Week.
The routine started as expected, with Dan waking Nadiya up from her slumber within a bed straight out of the Argos catalogue circa 2007, you know like every Princess wishes

and from there it all became a bit of a waking nightmare as Dan went pretty badly wrong

who knew that renaming dance moves “the whisk”, “the meringue” and “the icing sugar shaker” might end badly?
And while he kind-of-but-not-really managed to get back on track with the routine, the light joyousness required for the foxtrot was completely gone and Dan was just having a thoroughly miserable time out on that dancefloor

imaginably because he knew Claudia was about to bring up how this routine was apparently dedicated to the daughters of Rob Burrow and he had just danced 60% of it with the facial expression of an accountant being found out to be committing tax fraud. But look, NADIYA’S HAIR IS PRETTY GIRLS, IT’S OK!

and God bless, Tess tried her absolute best to soften the blows that the judges were about to land, even almost skipping Shirley – so guess who’s about to wake up with the severed head of an immovable white horse in her bed?

Judges’ Scores:
Craig
: 3
Motsi: 5
Shirley: 7
Anton: 6
TOTAL: 21

The Shrekening 2: Shrek Harder
Samba / Best Years of Our Lives – Shrek

Apparently it is not enough that Sara was being thrown to the benevolent Samba Gods this week, no she and Aljaz were also going to be afflicted with the revival of the monstrous green face paint

It’s the blush that unnerves me the most to be honest, the eyebrows that look like they’re censoring something being a close second.
At least Sara can afford to sue someone over this but perhaps we should at least thank them for showing some restraint by not dressing Sara up as Donkey’s Dragon Wife. Who knew there were mercies in the green paint?

Of course with Sara not being an actress she is given the privilege of consulting with acting coach, Daniel-John Williams

who IMDB informs me has played two characters within the BBC Doctors Daytime TV Universe so I can’t imagine anyone more qualified to advise someone on how best to camp their way through a samba, most of which seemed to be to waft her arms around like she was playing a very ineffective game of charades. Apparently it worked because this routine was much better than it had any right to be, so Daniel-John feel free to add Samba Cleric to your CV.
I think having the full Fiona costume on did help Sara embody a character better than when she was being told to be a Cha Cha-ing CEO while dressed like this

I also imagine having children at home who are apparently in the throes of a Shrek party helped fuel the energy of the routine, which the judges were all particularly vocally supportive of. Of course because Sara’s boys were watching and they were such big fans of Shrek, they had to include everyone’s favourite moments, including my favourite character Disproportionately Large Ballroom Frog

Shrek shaking his detachable green gonads

and everyone’s favourite scene in which Fiona murders Shrek and stands triumphant over his dead body

I imagine her boys were THRILLED. Good luck to whoever has to scrub the green bodypaint off the walls of Sara’s living room which I imagine do indeed sport a Live. Laugh. Laugh wall decal.
Sadly nobody thought to set up a live video call form whatever Shrek-based chaos was being wrought but Sara did get the somewhat disappointing pleasure of a video message from Peter Jones

well done for managing to sneak in 1 and a third Union Jacks into a single video call. That office looks like the stuff of a dystopian nightmare.

Judges’ Scores:
Craig
: 7
Motsi: 7
Shirley: 7
Anton: 7
TOTAL: 28

A Little Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner
American Smooth / I Have Nothing – The Bodyguard

Coming in to an American Smooth after a Foxtrot did feel a little bit like a lob, and Kai could have really softballed this but he didn’t and instead opted for a more Viennese Waltz inspired American Smooth, which was brave considering that AJ last week was having to pop motion sickness tablets like they were Skittles for the 2 spins she had in her foxtrot.
While Kai mostly hoped AJ had developed nausea immunity, the big thing the judges were looking for from AJ was an improvement in her musicality and I think Movie Week, for all its issues, does help in this department a lot because I the celebrities have more of a concrete idea on who their characters are and how they should be acting and reacting throughout the dance. And she was dancing to I Have Nothing which I think everyone has an innate musical connection with – I thoroughly recommend going back and watching the routine just to see Motsi having the time of her life in the background, it’s A TREAT. In terms of AJ, there were some really beautiful, sensitive moments throughout the routine, or maybe I was glamoured by the spotlights hitting her highlighter

BEAMING.
Having said she was struggling with feigning romance with Kai and Acting Coach and Doctors Aficionado Daniel-John Williams apparently being too busy teaching Sara how to be an ogre via charades, she did very well, so well in fact that The Express have published 3 articles about their apparent romance within the last 2 days. EVERYONE KEEP DAN WOOTTON AWAY FROM HER.
It is also hard not to be personally upset that I do not own this dress

it is a work of art and I demand government funded replicas for everyone, I think it would cure the population of its current state of perpetual ennui. How much could 1 Strictly ballroom dress cost Boris? £10?

I think what prevented the dance from getting a 10 is there were a few moments here and there that just felt a little too frantic and jerky. 10s aside though, the biggest win of the night was the sheer delight on AJ’s mum’s face

Team Florence ONLY.
Craig’s comment about how if AJ had started dancing as a child she’d be an absolute star in the dance world did make me rather said – both at the wasted potential and the fact we could have maybe had AJ Odudu on this show every series as one of the pros, thus proving we are indeed in The Darkest Timeline.

Craig: 8
Motsi: 9
Shirley: 9
Anton: 9
TOTAL: 35

The Great Muppet Horror Show
Quickstep / The Muppets

I have spent all week dreading how they were going to turn Robert Webb into Kermit the Frog that I hadn’t really given much thought to how they were going to turn Dianne into Miss Piggy which was apparently my biggest mistake because apparently the answer is this

Robert just looks like someone turfed over Dark Helmet from Spaceballs but Dianne, poor sweet Dianne, they do know they could have just put a cute little very pink pig nose on her and everyone would have been fine with it? They didn’t have to give her the porcine jowls AND then perfectly skin match it too! I hate it so much that I am willing to train as a lawyer and help her retroactively sue over this. Give me 7 years Dianne, I’m coming!
She did at least get a pretty dress

she maybe deserved a few more feathers for her worries but you know, Judi Love had to waft a fan for a bit

and as we know, Vicky Gill isn’t made of ostrich feathers!

As for the routine, he does noticeably go wrong a few times, to the point where I think it was honestly as bad as Dan but I think it’s easier to mask it in a quickstep while dressed as a frog than it is in a foxtrot while you’re dressed as the least interesting Disney Prince that ever existed, there’s a reason they were able to recast him so easily in Maleficent 2: Ambiguously Evil Angelina Boogaloo.

My favourite thing about this routine however was the fact they’ve spent the entirity of It Takes Two bigging up how fun and thrilling it was going to be, often comparing it to the Marquis de Sade-esque Simpsons Nightmare of yesteryear, AS THOUGH THAT’S A COMPLIMENT

only for renowned actress Hayley Mills to swoop in and say, with such certainty, that they were her pick to be eliminated next

and with what’s happening on the leader board and several people pulling some ace Family Wars cards in their training VTs, WHO KNOWS.

Craig: 6
Motsi: 6
Shirley: 7
Anton: 6
TOTAL: 25

James Bond and Miscellaneous Bond Girl No. 29
Paso Doble / The James Bond Theme – Dr. No

First of all:

Yes.

Perhaps the greatest injustice of Movie Week is that Karen was not dressed as Grace Jones’s character May Day – to think there are people out there who take the Bond films completely seriously and Grace Jones’s character was literally just called May Day. And then Greg wasn’t even in the iconic tux because instead we’re splashing out on a snowmobile for a wintery Paso Doble

How I yearn for the return of Sexy Glampire Angst Pasos, who will step up and take Brendan Cole’s mantle?
With the snowmobile apparently eating Vicky Gill’s tuxedo budget and Anton being completely unwilling to share, Greg was forced to take whatever was left from the Matalan Turtleneck Multipack they used for the red carpet

my favourite part though is the harness which does look a bit like a fancy baby carrier, it’s good to know the Milktray Man takes his parental duties seriously.

In terms of Theme Song Pasos though, this was at least a step up from Jason Bell being tossed to the Exogorth with his Star Wars theme song Paso Doble – #JusticeForLuba. It still suffered from many of the same issues because quite honestly it’s not a tune or rhythm particularly built for a Paso and the judges’ critiques reflect that with many of them pointing out he was just a little bit to placed in his steps, which is exactly what the Bond theme is, it’s very “And now the violin. AND NOW A DRUM. And now a trumpet? OOH, WHAT ABOUT A TROMBONE!”.
They were also sadly not granted the same save as Dan and Nadiya last week for leaving out the Spanish Paso elements in order to preserve the sanctity and historical accuracy of their gladiatorial characters. But then again, it’s harder to excuse Greg performing a leap like he’s Super Mario with the gravity turned up to near crushing levels

maybe this was worse than the Star Wars paso?

Craig: 6
Motsi: 6
Shirley: 7
Anton: 7
TOTAL: 26

Yet Another Hairspray Jive
Jive / The Nicest Kids in Town – Hairspray

I’m not even sure if we’re had that many Hairspray themed jives, it just feels like it because the Jive has 1 mode and it’s basically Cut Scene From Hairspray. I just wonder how long we can keep doing them before Vicky has to eventually give in and put someone in the cockroach dress. We’re waiting Miss Gill. Tilly’s dress this week at least feels a step closer to it

it’s a cute little number and it moved well with the parts of the dance that Tilly actually did – I’m really not sure starting the routine with Tilly inside a giant bottle of hairspray hanging from the ceiling like one of The Joker’s absurd traps in the Batman cartoons really started her off on the best foot

she can barely handle the Dance Off Reveal Tension, she’s not going to do well with heights guys! And the fear just never really left her eyes as she looked thoroughly terrified throughout the jive the moment she fell ever so slightly behind Nikita

she did manage to pick it up a little bit (for a bit), and I genuinely thought she had just corpsed and passed out when they performed this move

the way she painfully slowly and incrementally slides down his leg like a bird that hit a window is the stuff of Strictly Legend. It might actually explain the terror in her eyes more than the her descent from the ceiling. And of course she had the mandatory crotch-to-face finishing move

KO.
The judges are all incredibly kind and gentle on what was a pretty rough dance because apparently it’s week 3 and thus mistakes can be forgiven. But also Tilly looked like she wanted the earth to swallow her up and we’re not going to make an 18 year old girl cry on Saturday night primetime television. Who do you think they are? ITV?

Craig: 6
Motsi: 7
Shirley: 7
Anton: 7
TOTAL: 27

Jack and Rose
Foxtrot / Rose’s Theme – Titanic

It is a brave decision to take on the Titanic, it is braver still to put someone in a big, white, frosty looking dress for such a dance

We’re going to need to talk about optics sometime.

After two weeks of high energy numbers, it was nice to see Rose taking on a more formal ballroom dance in the foxtrot and I really can’t say much about it other than the fact it was a truly divine 90 seconds – and certainly the palate cleanser we needed after the constant threat of peril that Tilly and Nikita put us through. She was just so elegant and fluid throughout the dance and the ending with the hushed silence and the wind gently blowing her hair while she looked into the distance has given me goosebumps every single time I’ve watched the dance

and I have watched it A LOT.

I really thought we’d have seen our first 10 of the series for this, the only reason I can think that it didn’t get it was because it was a fairly simple routine, which in many ways was its biggest strength but I can see why they might hold back.

Craig: 9
Motsi: 9
Shirley: 9
Anton: 9
TOTAL: 36

Ugo Monye, a Wig and Oti Mabuse
Couple’s Choice / You’re Welcome – Moana

Well, we’re officially kicking off Family Wars proper and while I very much want to grant Greg an early lead for bringing in Actual Dame Emma Thompson, I’m afraid Ugo and his little girls might have her trumped

They make him look like some sort of ancient Greek titan!

And with Moana being one of his little girls’ favourite movies, and him having been subjected to watching it on a loop since 2016, the pressure was on a little bit – both to pull off the routine and desperately try to appeal to the public to vote for him so that he didn’t get eliminated, and well they were certainly appealing to an audience

Welcome aboard the Ugo Monye Is Hot Train, how kind of you to finally join me. Yes, I will be gatekeeping this experience, you all hitched your wagons to The Peaty Express To Blue Body Paint Hell, DEAL WITH IT.

Of course with this routine being Couple’s Choice and the show having completely abandoned the very idea that Couple Choice’s has a genre after Greg and Karen did some Disco Wafting™, Oti pretty much had free range to do whatever she wanted with this routine. I suppose you could probably just call it Street / Commercial considering a lot of it was just lifted from the movie’s actual routine, including crabwalking demi-dabbing

as ever though, the choreography for a couple’s choice routine was mostly a lot of leaping around the place, with Ugo performing a flying forward roll that had Tess on the edge of her seat

Cameron found scalped and dead

The Milkybar Kid never stood a chance against a Polynesian demi-God.
While there were a few good stunts and some fun choreography in the routine, it did all feel a little off to me, Shirley claims Ugo was in perfect time but there were definitely a few times when he was a little hesitant and fell a step or two behind Oti – and who can blame him, I’d have been worried about my foliage shedding too

I hope he gets to keep the entire costume because he has absolutely fallen in love with that wig

I cannot wait to see his hirsute journey now that the hairstylists have realised they have a blank canvas to work with.

Craig: 7
Motsi: 8
Shirley: 8
Anton: 8
TOTAL: 31

Tom From McFly, A Band Named After Marty McFly and Amy Not As a DeLorean
Jive / Johnny B. Goode – Back To The Future

If you’re wondering how many times it was mentioned over the course of this week’s It Takes Two and the Main Show that McFly are named after Marty McFly, it’s a cool 17. And with Back To The Future being such a cornerstone of Tom’s life, Amy found herself living the hellish life of every female film student as she was subjected to watching the 80s classic while having every insignificant detail explained to her by a far too eager boy

Amy, I feel your pain but it could have been worse, Luba had to go through the same thing with Star Wars and Jason waving a lightsabre around while not even being granted the privilege of a stool

THAT FILM IS TWO HOURS LONG. #JusticeForLuba.

You would think that with Amy and Tom making their triumphant return to the competition after a week’s absence in which rather astonishingly Giovanna Fletcher didn’t manage to discover the cure to Covid, that the show might have gone all out with their styling and set and yet… Tom was just dressed as Tom Fletcher

although perhaps they learned their lesson from having Lee Ryan wobble his way through the air on an incredibly unstable hoverboard

but most disappointingly is that Amy was apparently completely unwilling to revive the beautiful chaos of Sexy Doc

SPOIL SPORT.

Despite them getting to go on a bit of a joy ride in the DeLoreon prop, it sadly wasn’t available for Saturday night, I imagine Lee Ryan pettily rented out and forlornly sat in it on his driveway for the entire evening. But they did at least have enough tinsel curtains to recreate the prom scene

and yes, for the first 30 seconds of their routine, Tom had indeed been lumbered with the guitar, which was fun when he was dancing on his own and looking like a child playing with a toy

but then of course he did eventually have to dance with Amy, using the guitar as some sort of woman corralling device

or just holding it in out stretched arms in the hope that it doesn’t hurt Amy as she spun around

and Craig was right, with Tom’s attention mostly being focused on not trying to smash Amy’s face in with a guitar, his feet were a little flat during this section, but the moment they abandoned it, the dancing improved tenfold, personally I was a big fan of Amy swinging Tom around like he was a hoover

it was a pretty fun dance once they got into the swing of things, I am just sad I’m not going to get my Manic Pixie Scene Girl Amy Dowden doing a Jive to 5 Colours in Her Hair, so maybe I’ll just have to hold out hopes for it being forced into a Salsa somehow. Weirder things have happened.

Craig: 7
Motsi: 8
Shirley: 8
Anton: 8
TOTAL: 31

That Very Relevant and Romantic Media Franchise: Avatar!
Rumba / I See You – Avatar

AQUAMAN WAS RIGHT THERE YOU FOOLS. Or do we think the Marvel vs DC feud is so petty that if Rhys was getting to do Spiderman, then the show wasn’t allowed to feature any of the DC superheroes? That’s my head canon, just a boardroom of people arguing over which superhero gets to be on Strictly like an absurd episode of The Apprentice. Although probably not even the most absurd episode of The Apprentice, let’s be real.

In an episode where Robert Webb was a half-hearted Kermit, Aljaz was a 4 eared Shrek and Gorka was a piece of furry art – Adam Peaty and Katya doing a rumba while dressed as Na’vi were the most cursed part

so I think we can excuse Craig for having a complete mental blank once they had finished slinking around the dancefloor

In all fairness though, at least the blue body paint worked better than the time they painted Dev blue and Dianne, dressed as a monkey, ended up smeared in blue body paint because Dev was EXTREMELY sweaty

granted they were doing a street commercial while Adam had been saddled with the first rumba of the series with the general nudity of the whole dance giving it a very CATS (2019) vibe

somehow, there were less leg extensions in this rumba.
Of course with Avatar’s only noticeable feature being its impressive CGI, we were of course treated to a great big lumbering copyright-claim-avoiding-lump-of-alien-forest-terrain which did almost entirely obscure the finale of their routine

I say the CGI was the only thing anyone remembers about Avatar but I think we can only all remember the part where they have memory-sex via their hair, but truly nobody was memory-sexing ANYONE with this wig

Ugo Monye, consider yourself LUCKY.

There is of course the usual narrative of “the rumba being extremely difficult for male celebrities.” which Motsi quickly shot down as it also being difficult for female celebrities and then because this judging panel was apparently just a firing range, Shirley calls out the wardrobe department for making Adam shirtless and thus making the dance incredibly exposed given that a shirt would have maybe hid some of the awkwardness of the routine. Although it wasn’t even close to the most awkward rumba we’ve ever seen and if anything them being blue at least somewhat helped make it look a bit less like two flamingos mid coitus.

Craig: 4
Motsi: 5
Shirley: 5
Anton: 6
TOTAL: 20

Cruella de Vil Doing Puppy Play
American Smooth / Cruella de Vil – Cruella

I was VERY excited for this routine, mostly because the outfits from Cruella are the only reason to watch the film – and I do think Katie looked phenomenal on the night

and God bless the disparity between Katie looking like Cruella de Vil and then everything coming out of her mouth sounding like a goose asking a question. I will say, I’m not sure they needed to give Katie a bedazzled headwound though

but maybe that explains the whole fever dream of a routine as Gorka crawled along the floor on all fours in his Dalmatian costume

HOW MANY OFCOM COMPLAINTS DID THIS GET THEN?

With the routine being an American Smooth, a Disney property, Katie having an impeccable outfit and on a potential Bottom Two rebound, it feels like it should have been guaranteed a safe spot this week and yet… I think the biggest issue was that Cruella was out-camped in every respect by a Dalmatian – Gorka chewed up the scenery and unfortunately Katie too, I imagine it’s hard not to get carried away in a spotty suit and matching tail. But there were some fun moments in there, honestly the routine could have been this for 90 seconds and I’ve have been thrilled

I don’t know why, but it just really tickled me.

Craig: 5
Motsi: 7
Shirley: 6
Anton: 6
TOTAL: 24

Rhys Stephenson and Nancy Xu
Spider-man / Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse

Welcome to one of the most surreal pre-dance VTs I can ever remember as Rhys startlingly jumps from talking about how important superheroes are to him, especially Myles Morales from Into the Spider-verse being a young black boy, to The Power of Christianity. I think what took me most by surprise was that it wasn’t Dan Walker who got to do the Songs of Praise VT – I imagine he’s got a whole sermon cooked up for Halloween Week during which they’re going to have to spend a long time trying to convince him to dress up as tangentially a spooky creature as they can – my money is on an owl, they’re nocturnal and mentioned in the bible 9 times, it’s perfect! Nadiya can be a mouse. Duh!

This was of course the second Couple’s Choice routine of the night, truly Movie Week is cursed but surprisingly this wasn’t nearly as chaotic a routine as I expected from Rhys, which isn’t to say that it wasn’t a lot of jumping around, it was just very controlled and well managed jumping around which Shirley particularly enjoyed and forced him to do another jump like Paul Hollywood force feeding Jurgen his own Black Forest Gateau

LET THE BOY BREATHE SHIRLEY.
It very much had a Charleston vibe, which was a good call given the jauntiness of the tune, what it got away with though was it being a very bit-by-bit routine because it did very much feel at times like a little boy showing off a new trick he had learned to a living room of being that are all too willing to indulge him

and it was quite charming and he really managed to gel with the routine and it was clear he was having fun, which seems to be most of the judging criteria for a Couple’s Choice routine – it’s essentially 10s on a silver platter, especially when you have such a strongly recognisable theme.

Tilly Ramsay Looking Into Impending Doom Update:

NIKITA, HUG HER.

Craig: 9
Motsi: 10
Shirley: 9
Anton: 9
TOTAL: 37

Motsi dishing out the first 10 went down just as you’d think and hope

and they did of course cut to Rhys’s church for a reaction but in true church hall style, the Wi-Fi connection was apparently powered by a potato battery

Communion wine isn’t cheap, corners have to be cut sometimes.

Jack Sparrow x Will Turner FanFic (34 Chapters)
Paso Doble / He’s a Pirate – Pirates of the Caribbean

In order to fully embody his pirate captain persona, John of course had to pay a visit to The Cutty Sark where he looked like the main villain in Pirates of the Caribbean 15: Hells Angelfish

the kraken of course makes its shocking return on a motorcycle made from driftwood. There’s a cameo from Sting.

Come the evening though and John had been fully kitted out in full Jack Sparrow regalia

and to think Dan Walker thought he had gone to town on the eyeliner for his gladiator Paso Doble

Bless you, you vanilla straight man.

There’s a reason they held this performance until the end – both because it’s a truly incredible routine, I mean look at their syncronisation

but also, this is an impressive pirate ship prop

no wonder AJ only got 2 ceiling hankies

This is by all means a routine that’s going to be on the list of Best Strictly Dances for a long time, it was powerful, it was engaging, it had billowing sleeves and Johannes doing this to camera

I don’t know what pirate-y sorcery he’s performing but I am very much into it.
I am also looking forward to them releasing the audio that Johannes’s microphone picked up because he was screaming throughout it like a cat on the hunt for some Dreamies – even the Klaus Badeltness of the drums could barely obscure it.
And of course because they put a lot of hard work and effort into the routine, Anton decides to say “I was worried it would be a little bit camp.” – first of all, I wonder why he thought it would be a bit camp? Secondly, why would that be a bad thing? Thirdly, you are a man that did this

I don’t think an arbiter of deliberate, try-hard camp gets to fear the camp of others.
And fourthly, it did end with them firing a canon of glitter

which is how all Strictly routines should end, to be quite honest.
The judges, rightfully go absolutely bananas over it with Motsi falling just short of throwing her 10 paddle at the two of them – had she not accidentally thrown her pen while talking to Adam Peaty, I imagine she’d have vandalised that 10 paddle into a 100.

Craig: 9
Motsi: 10
Shirley: 10
Anton: 10
TOTAL: 39

  1. And with all our dances done we go to the leaderboard:
  2. The Premium Gay Content We’ve Wanted
  3. Rhys Stephenson Will Perform at Children’s Birthday Parties Now
  4. Rose’s Unsinkable Foxtrot
  5. AJ, Kai and Two Ceiling Hankies
  6. McFly are Named After Marty McFly, Did You Know?
  7. Ugo and Oti’s Oceanic Adventure
  8. Sara and Aljaz Consult The Samba Cleric
  9. Tilly and Nikita Are The Mediocre Kids in Town
  10. Greg and Karen Skidooing in Austria
  11. The Great Muppet Horror of 2021
  12. Judi and Graziano’s Braces Snapping Fun Time
    • A Dalmatian Chews the Scenery
  13. Dan Walker’s Waking Nightmare
  14. It’s What Avatar Deserves

and who knows what will happen when it comes to results show (shut up, I know these are posted on Mondays… YOU’RE RUINING MY IMMERSION)

And if you’ve enjoyed this recap of the Strictly’s Movie Week and would like to support the blog, you can leave a small donation via my Ko-fi HERE.

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