Ariadne Reviews

Your Premium Reality TV Recapping Nightmare

Interior Design Masters 2023, Episode 3: Bespoke Flypaper

I’m not sure about this new direction for Top Gear.

Technically, it’s gingham.

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 11: Potato Scrubbing Penance Walk

Black Swan (2010, Darren Aronofsky)

That’s Miss Reviews, to you.

Interior Design Masters 2023, Episode 2: Flintstones-themed Oubliette

I feel VERY attacked.

Grab your juice box and crustless sandwich, it’s recap time.

Pottery Throwdown 2023, The Final: Your New Glittery Son

That awkward moment when you make direct eye contact with someone in the supermarket while you’re holding a loose courgette.

It’s Tulip Mania all over again!

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 10: Nutritionally Defunct Gravy

The champagne is burned.

This recap is 50% potato.

Interior Design Masters 2023, Episode 1: The Horse Girl That Never Was

Brag.

Please mind the sharp corners.

Pottery Throwdown 2023, Episode 9: A One Woman Rube Goldberg Machine

I just needed a slightly clickbait-y title image.

Long live the Tile King.

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 9: Literal Snake Oil Salesmen

Welcome to Netflix’s gritty reboot of Flubber.

Please don’t touch anything, it might stain.

Pottery Throwdown 2023, Episode 8: The Anti-Matisse

This is my Multiverse of Madness.

I’m a little coffee pot and ce n’est pas mon bec.

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 8: Luxury Burger Meat

I’m at this gig right now alone and everyone has wanted a photo with me but no one has asked how my day was, so I’m just sitting here in vip all alone, feeling alone. this industry really is a lonely one huh.

How much could one burger cost? £35?