Ariadne Reviews

Your Premium Reality TV Recapping Nightmare

MasterChef: The Professionals 2022, Episode 16: Non-elephantine Cherries

Intense Embarrassing Parents Energy.

Stuffing a carrot is the first sign of madness.

Strictly 2022, Musicals Week, Results Show: Team Luggee

Whaddya mean you’ve got to halve the hair budget?

Put on your best hat, we’ve got somewhere to be!

Strictly 2022, Musicals Week, Main Show: The Uncanny Cat Moon

Well, we’ve all had this dream.

Welcome to Musicals Week where the boots aren’t the only things that are kinky.

MasterChef: The Professionals 2022, Episode 15: Obligatory Pigeon Duty

I hope everyone gets 5 sessions of complementary therapy after the show.

The future is crab.

MasterChef: The Professionals 2022, Episode 14: Luxury Pork Nanny

I shall never know peace until I have the answer.

Content Warning: Clingfilm.

MasterChef: The Professionals 2022, Episode 13: Rhubarb Gambit

Nobody looks more upset than Gregg Wallace hearing that a dessert might not be ready in time.

I wish I had a favourite Watercress Farm.

Strictly 2022, Week 10, Results Show: Omnipotent DJ in the Sky

Welcome to the Strictly Come Dancing Complaints Hotline, how may I help you?

Angst! Woe! Cappuccino!

Strictly 2022, Week 10, Main Show: A Gobbet of Jive Flesh

This is my favourite Renaissance painting.

Let’s all check into The Hotel del Gorka!

MasterChef: The Professionals 2022, Episode 12: The Greggorian Scale

Neither Leyla nor Jimi bought Jay’s attempt to cover up his fart.

Theres has never met a single dish she wouldn’t set ablaze.

MasterChef: The Professionals 2022, Episode 11: The Other Flowers

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this entire dessert disappear!

The sweet scent of garlicky sabotage!