It was not, in fact, the most focussed he’d ever been in his life.

Oops, I accidentally salted the recap.

Truly Inspired

Apologies in advance this is only going to be half a recap because 40 minutes of this episode was a Professional Kitchen Round with absolutely zero stakes and a dearth of content to be mined from it. And I think it’s about time we stood up to our true oppressors: Vibes-based Michelin Star restaurants that don’t serve you a single carb

I am about to drop £22 per course, the least you could do is give me a spud to go with my Bowl of Swamp Vibes

it’s also really hard not to rewatch the challenge without constantly thinking “It should’ve been Harry!” while sticking pins into a Default Setting Man shaped doll. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

In order to decide who the actual bona fide finalists were the remaining four celebrities had to cook a dish inspired by someone they love, so brace for schmaltzy metaphorical meringue children. Most of the celebs went for desserts. The only one to buck the trend was Rochenda who might as well have just taken the trophy the moment she plated up her Crab Tagliatelle because it legitimately looks better than many a dish that gets served up in the final of MasterChef: The Professionals (I’ll take “Things that didn’t age well” for £200, Alex)

I realise I have to stop being so impressed whenever someone makes their own pasta but it really is to me as peek-a-boo is to a baby with zero concept of object permanence.

Vito was giving Rochenda a run for her money though with his Pastiera, a tart served during Easter in Southern Italy, inspired by his late uncle’s fondness for it

I’ll always give a few bonus points when someone cooks something that we haven’t really seen on the show before – there’s only so many times we can keep allowing people to cook the same crumbles over and over again. I was also just relieved Vito pulled it off because I don’t think I could’ve coped with Vito having anything other than some sort of religious experience

it was actually just Jake Quickenden’s veneers.

Harry was obviously in danger when he told everyone he was whipping out one of the three generic starter level crumbles

but he was at least making a custard and then also serving up what he called a “strawberry slice” which ended up looking a bit like a discontinued nutri-grain product

it did end up being a bit of nonsense dessert, especially with the addition of the meringue for no good reason other than he panicked about the fact he’d just made a Crumble and… a Second Freeform Crumble

however, I did think he was safe considering that Craig had not only sprinkled salt on his Lemon Tarts, but then burnt said salt

do I feel a little bit bad about how funny I found this? Not really, his little grumpy face during their lineup was *really* funny

that’s a magnitude 9 folding of the arms. Nothing in this world was going to make him clap for anyone else, he wanted to watch the world ineffectively burn like salt atop a lemon tart

to be fair to Craig, the actual tart and his pastry were really well made! However John and Gregg weren’t able to ignore the fact he’d salted the lemon tart. (Except for when they did end up completely ignoring the fact he’d salted his lemon tart.)

An Inspirational Dish Ranking:
1. Vito’s Religious Experience of a Tart
2. My Lack of Objectivity About Pasta
3. Harry by a Sprinkling of Salt
4. Craig’s Lemon Scented Salt Lick

Vito and Rochenda were both safe as houses – there was nothing wrong with a single part of their dishes so they were easily making up two thirds of the final. Which of course meant it was between Harry and Craig. The latter of which has felt like a dead-cert for the final since the first episode when he miraculously perfectly cooked sweetbreads without any prior experience

I’ve personally felt more invested in Harry – he doesn’t cook the most interesting food but he brings a lot of charisma and fun to the show so I would have preferred to have him in the final but alas, we’re saying goodbye to him ahead of the finals

AND CRAIG KNOWS HE’S NOW ENEMY NUMERO UNO

I’m going to make sure there’s a handful of salt on everything you ever eat, my guy.

And so, we’ve got out Final 3: