Whaddya mean you’ve got to halve the hair budget?

Put on your best hat, we’ve got somewhere to be!

Well, apparently there were musicals left out of the Big “Screw You, Lloyd-Webber” Medley in the main show and for the results show they were doing a Guys and Dolls routine, which if nothing else at least allowed us to see how well the pro dancers wear hats and period costume – Graziano obviously reigning supreme because he does after all have a monogrammed collection of fedoras

he’s basically the fedora sensei of the cast.
Kai obviously also pulls off the look very well because it’s in his temporally fluctuating blood that yearns for the simple days of *checks notes* oh no, nevermind

as do Giovanni and Vito – clearly the Italians are blessed.

Not fairing quite so well is Nikita because I think this confirms that all of his power is in his hair and he should not be hiding it under a bushel

it’s a miracle he even managed to contain it given that I’m pretty sure his hat is at least 2 sizes too small and he was struggling to jam it onto his head using two hands while everyone manages just fine with one

then the wardrobe department did Gorka dirty by giving him THIS hat which makes him look like he’s about to go on a two week fishing trip

Neil somehow completely misses 1930s gangster and lands firmly in Gold Rush Era varmint most likely to start a saloon brawl. But at this point I am dancing around the big talking pointing of this routine and that’s Lauren Oakley having her drag king moment

I am obsessed and I can’t wait for her to be bumped up to main cast next year, which at this point seems inevitable – she’s been a stand out in a lot of routines, but someone please toss Luba a bone…

it’s gonna happen. I’m going to *make* it happen. Team Luggee 2023 – we’ll work on that one.

Of course Lauren wasn’t the female pro doing boy drag – obviously Michelle wasn’t, it’s hard to brandish your legs like deadly weapons in suit trousers – and much like the men, some of them faired better than others. It is a well documented fact that Nadiya can probably pull off anything and this was no different – I want the noir detective film starring her as the plucky junior detective and Graziano as her cynical, hardnosed partner who has ~confusing~ thoughts about her on their biggest assignment yet

the only person giving Nadiya a run for her money in looking unnecessarily beautiful in a fedora was Carlos because of course he did

and if it’s annoying you as much as it was annoying me that you recognised Nancy’s dress but couldn’t place it, it’s because Dianne’s Viennese Waltz dress was not long for this world apparently lasting barely a series before being ripped to pieces

Speaking of Dianne, she landed on the other side of the Halloween Costume to Editorial Supermodel spectrum and looked like someone had created a scarecrow of Stan Laurel

never has it been so obvious that someone got given whatever was left over on the clothes rack.

And now for our increasingly short Safety Sex Faces

and then in what felt like a bit of an inevitability with them doing The Charleston in the first slot of the night, Molly and Carlos were in the bottom 2

and a quick shout out to the incredible stink-face Molly pulled when Tess called their names while Carlos aged about 10 years

all the more impressive that she managed to give a fairly succinct and chipper response when Tess asked her how she was feeling when I’m sure all she wanted to do was scream into a paper bag for 30 seconds. And while Molly goes and does that backstage for the fourth time this series, Helen and Will high five it out on the balcony

where we learn Gorka is going to be making a trip up to Helen’s farm, but disappointingly was not wearing the cabaret outfit when he did so

I’m still trying to work out if it’s a Countryfile gig or a Strictly gig. But wait? Hang on, what’s that in the background? Computer, enhance!

is… is that? is that MY MEDIUM-SIZED BOY!?

HE’S COMING HOME!

And if you thought Helen bringing out a couple’s choice in the quarterfinals was a late stage lob, Will is doing his in next week’s semi-finals… to a medley that very likely involves bucket hats and half a Ford Fiesta.

Our half time performance was another West End guest, this time The Cher Show as shilling for ticket sales, and apparently reimagines Cher through the lens of the Marvel Cinematic Universe

sadly the trilogy of Chers had brought their own personal dancers – and I only say “sadly” because I would have loved to see the gang dressed up naval kinksters

BDSM: Bondage, Dominance, Sailing, and Masochism.

And now for the fates of the rest of the crew, with the only couple getting to pull their best Safety Sex Face being Fleur

which did make it extremely obvious Kym was going to be in the bottom two

and Motsi does a very poor job of not telling her to just get in the back of her half-taxi and leave right there and then.

While one Charleston was being frantically re-rehearsed backstage, we found out that Hamza’s televote is going to be put to the real test next week as he gets dumped out of the Lion King Samba Pan and into the Charleston fire, with his being to Paolo Nutini’s Pencil Full Of Lead which I just realised is 13 years old and I did not need learn that just before my 30th birthday – I am naught by dust.
Meanwhile Vito just gets thoroughly embarrassed by having a clip of him losing an Alicia Keys vocal challenge against Fleur

on the plus side, another Strictly Renaissance Painting was born.

Going into the dance off, it didn’t feel like there was much peril to be had and then Anton decided he had other ideas and was apparently operating on Three Strikes And You’re Out Rules, deciding to save Kym

that’s certainly… a range of facial expressions. Anton’s guilt, Molly’s mildly sarcastic clapping, Carlos’s glum acceptance of his fate, Graziano pleading with every deity he can name and Kym wondering if she should cancel the other half of the taxi she ordered.

Shirley however was not and promptly saved Molly, meaning Kym had finally freed herself from this cursed known as “dancing”, may she never be this busy ever again

and as much as I would love to end this on a note about how happy I am that Graziano got a good run, I’ll instead let the gif of Graziano accidentally walloping Molly in the face play us out

You can never be Roxie Hart if you can’t dodge a slap, Molly!

And so, 6 becomes 5

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