Strictly 2022, Week 8, Results Show: Unsatisfied Italian Void

Entirely unsurprised Tess’s dressing room door is decorated like an 8 year old’s bedroom door.

Now I just really want a burrito.

As it’s Remembrance Weekend, we are of course treated the annual very genteel waltz, which was very subtly reskinned

at some point you’re just going to have to dress them up as the Tranmere poppy mascot

Luba will do it, she was lucky to escape having to wear one of those laminated paper masks of The Queen like a novelty burrito being sold to fans of Fleur and Vito for a £3 mark up

the dance however was not completely devoid of Ar Maj content

Jason Gilkison was very upset they had to go so subtle – he wanted a full AR Elizabeth to walk down the centre of the ballroom, hand-in-hand with Paddington Bear while the band played Spirit In The Sky.

Given how this evening went, I’m just going to lump the whole Monkseal Memorial Safety Sex Face Gallery here in one go

(this might be the closest we ever get to a Safety Sex Face from Hamza)

Ellie and Johannes looking like a couple in an Agatha Christie novel who just got unmasked as the murderers <3

It’s all rather excited up in Claudia’s Balcony because for 6 of the 7 safe pros, next week will be their first time partnering someone at Blackpool – but nobody was more excited than Graziano who looked like he was about to explode

the only times he’s ever been happier is when he managed to free himself from the apparent misery of being partnered with Vick Hope and when he managed to successfully butter a piece of bread

anything to fill the unsatisfied Italian void left by a carbonara with ham in it

as for Routine Reveals, Hamza and Jowita are being given The Big Blackpool Sinatra Routine, with an American Smooth that I expect they’ll find some way of getting Hamza’s signature move into

it’s probably not appropriate for a New York, New York number but you’re fast running out of opportunities to put Hamza in a kilt and have him toss Jowita like a caber guys, you’re putting all your eggs in one Showdance Basket here.
Fleur meanwhile is getting the Blackpool Couple’s Choice to a Destiny’s Child medley and I thoroughly expect she’ll be playing the parts of Beyonce, Kelly, Poor Michelle and Beyonce’s Mum given how excited she is – but at least the mammoth-size of the Blackpool Ballroom might make her going beserk to Bootylicious seem less like a nuclear threat.

As for the couples in the Bottom Two, the writing was a little on the wall as Tyler was given a fair amount of decent advice about trying to hit the Spanish lines a little better and to make the meagre amount of dancing between the series of poses a little sharper, while everyone basically lit a candle for Tony and told him about health insurance because sadly the dance off wasn’t to be as Tony had injured himself during his Jive, I WONDER WHEN

and was thus unable to dance so was withdrawing from the competition and disappointingly Tyler and Dianne didn’t insist on doing their sex dungeon paso again, for purely scientific reasons of course

so it’s an unchallenged, but not surprising, exit from Tony who at least got to go out in a sharp suit and not some atrociously themed Latin number that looked like your trying on clothes in River Island

it’s all we really wanted for him to be honest.

And so, 8 go to Blackpool

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