The reviews are in and it turns out Chimneysweeps don’t like Les Mis contempowafting either!
And so we come to our rousing, musical crescendo and the curtains fall on what might be one of my favourite Strictly Weekends of all time.
Well, I can’t imagine anyone was having a worse weekend than whoever had to sing Defying Gravity for the pro-dance and SURPRISE! Cynthia Erivo, heir apparent to the role of Elphaba in Wicked: The Movie Not Starring Lea Michele, was then going to be part of the show. Well… I mean I do know someone who was having a worse weekend…
but, forgetting the failed French Revolution for a moment and going back to Strictly Come Wicked: Still None For Lea Michele where Luba continues her monopoly on The Wicked Witch
at least she’s not having to act through a stalactite of a chin prosthetic and wardrobe had splashed out on an actual costume for her that looked quite impressive during her aerial elements and not just rehashed the dresses that Gorka’s Dark Army of Glampires Who Steal Wives wore
Maybe everything is coming up Luba?
As for Glinda, it was Katya who got that particular honour of swishing around in a yellow dress that I’m sure Amy Dowden is furious she isn’t wearing and mostly just holding Luba’s hand, stroking Luba’s face, staring longingly into Luba’s eyes
Harold, they’re lesbians.
It was not a routine that really leant itself to a pro-dance considering there’s not a lot of roles, so they were mostly accompanied by The Emerald Pitchfork Wielding Mob and Nikita’s Arse
and not a single flying monkey anywhere in sight, Aljaz was very sad, you know he loves wings
it’s definitely the wings he loves.
Sadly the Wicked theme did not continue through and Tess was going for glam separates
there’s a certain danger in formal separates, you can easily land in looking like the head of HR that’s about to ruin your career…
and while Shirley was office-ready, Claudia was ready for bedtime in 1867
While Motsi was giving her neck some relief and had given up on 2 of her 7 wig stacks
and Cynthia was literally wearing my dream outfit
Who doesn’t want to look like glam Wednesday Addams at all times?
Our first dip into the Monkseal Memorial Safety Sex Face Gallery is a very short affair as we’re getting down to the wire:
I had somehow managed to not notice the fake freckles they had given Tilly and Nikita which somehow takes the costumes from mildly off-putting to full on distressing.
As for the first of our Dance Off couples, it’s Rhys and Nancy who are hit by that red light and turned into Hell’s Prom King and Queen
Eventually they’re going to have to do Lawrence D. Cohen’s Carrie: The Musical, I’m sure Amy has the deep, supressed rage to pull it off…
Shirley’s advice to Rhys is pretty much the same as everyone’s: keep focused and maybe have 3 less espressos, yeah?
As for the safe couples, we learn that Tilly is back in Latin next week with a samba and no theme week to hide behind – the audience at least doesn’t groan at the very mention of the word “Samba” like they did with Nina though, but Tilly knows what’s coming
Your only hope is Rhys getting that yogic stork rumba.
Aj spends a considerable amount of time still apologising for her Paso Doble while Kai is forced to do some impressions which are mostly just Kai doing quotes. Which does mean he could win Britain’s Got Talent in a heartbeat. Sadly Claudia never quite got around to asking him to do a baby-voiced Elimination-Tess impression. Maybe next week?
Before finding out who’s joining Rhys and Nancy in the bottom 2, the show wants to continue to pull guest performers from the mid-2000s as we get a performance from The Feeling who are apparently now playing back-up to the actor who plays Jamie in Everybody’s Talking About Jamie: The Movie That Came Out And Disappeared Overnight But I Hear Was… Fine?
They’re performing Out Of The Darkness which is a song I don’t remember from the show, which I have seen twice, and it was a very lovely performance with some incredibly wild and slightly unsettling jaw-work
and apparently his army of backing singers were not permitted a visit to a tailor
I am pleased to report however that the reign of Decathlon Dancewear does seem to have ended, mostly
the bad news is somehow Cameron got through an entire routine without doing a forward roll. Is my boy growing up? SAY IT AIN’T SO!
And now to find out who will join Rhys and Nancy in the bottom two with our final trip to the Monkseal Memorial Safety Sex Face Gallery where Nadiya continues to excel
and so it’s Chimneysweeps vs The Friends of the ABC – you’ll be unsurprised to learn that Amy living out her crushed theatre kid dreams apparently didn’t gel with the British voting public as much as Chummy Mary Poppins Chimneysweeps
It’s up to Cynthia to give Tom a pep-talk and in a very roundabout way she basically tells him that if he doesn’t cry in this next performance IT’S CURTAINS FOR YAH. So, pins at the ready Amy?
Up with Claudia and Rose fires shots at the lack of accessibility in musical theatre, which I think makes the signing that they incorporated into their quickstep this week that much more special and shows how unobstructive it is to a performance because that’s the argument that frequently comes up in conversations about how to make stage and screen more accessible to deaf and hard of hearing people and it’s endlessly frustrating.
And when she’s done shaming the state of the theatre world, she decides Kai is next on her list and aces a trio of Giovanni impressions including Tango Giovanni:
Extra Italian Giovanni:
and, my personal favourite, Rose Maybe Stop Now, You’re Beginning To Make Me Look Bad, Giovanni:
she’s a national treasure whomst we must protect.
Dan still can’t quite believe he’s hanging around but is claiming his local curry house has named a curry after him, the curry being a Dhansak, which is just an actual curry every good take-away sells, so we’ll just skip over that act of accidental colonialism.
And next week John and Johannes have nowhere to hide as they draw an Argentine Tango, which John is threatening to add a forward roll to and if he needs help, I know a bit of an expert on the matter
Cameron Lombard, Forward Roll Sommelier.
And thus to the dance off where all Rhys had to do to stay was mostly just not absolutely ruin Nancy’s shins, and also you know… stay in time with the music?
The moment he pulled off that segment of the dance this was a done deal, Amy could have bled Tom dry with a sewing needle and they’d still have been sent home so when Tom attempted the, what I call, Opera Necklace of Death Spin and made everyone lurch in fear because it looked like it was about to end in a corpse, this was over for him
and even more damningly, he ended utterly dry eyed
I’m almost sad he didn’t stay because you know they would have sent him to an acting coach next week and we’d have got to see Daniel John-Williams, 2 Time Doctors Allum again
is he famous enough to do the show next year? He has IMDB page? Rhys barely had a Wikipedia entry beyond a link to his birth announcement on GenesReunited.co.uk. The campaign starts now!
I can’t say I’m particularly heartbroken over Tom’s elimination, if anything it’s a bit of a relief because if anyone was going to take John or AJ’s place in the final it was going to be him. I am quite sad for Amy though, he’ll be fine, he’s destined to be a regular presenter on The One Show after this, but I can kind of feel Amy’s frustration over repeatedly getting Very Nice Men™ and never quite managing a win, so we do get another very emotional send-off speech that did feel like you could start playing the American National Anthem in the background while fading an image of a waving flag over it. It’s her brand at this point.
I’m mostly furious that I’ll never get to see him dressed as a scarecrow, it’s all I really wanted.
and so, there are 6 couples and no theme weeks left!
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