I don’t know what’s happening here but I’m sure it’s doing something for someone.

We’re going for a vibes-based indulgence.

Indulgence We Trust

In order to decide our Final Weekists, who aren’t the same as Finalists But For Some Reason We Call Them That, the last challenge of the Semi-Finals Week was for them to cook the most indulgent comfort dish they could thing of. This challenge having been set by Grace Dent who has really been practicing her Unctuous Joanna Lumley Faces

I hold Grace Dent at an arm’s length purely because only 1 degree of separation away from Emma Kennedy is always a red flag.

We seem to have this Comfort Dish challenge every year and it does result in a fair amount of the same dishes. There’s only so different your fried chicken, 90% cheese and triple chocolate desserts can be. And we did get all of these offenders again, but I will always be thrilled by Korean Fried Chicken because it is the only sign of God’s light in this horrible little world of ours

and Rochenda had made it beautifully. If I ever learned how to make Korean Fried Chicken and possessed half the will power to clean up the mess it makes, it would be game over for me.

Nobody else went the fried food route, instead both H and Craig had prioritised the more $$$cash money$$$ side of indulgence with H going for Lobster and Craig opting for scallops as his weapon in this fight of capitalist shellfish. The latter was serving them alongside his tomahawk steaks that he was lucky to even fit in the oven

but he wasn’t serving them as ordinary pan-fried scallops, no they were being turned into a halfshell macaroni cheese

it’s an amazing plate of food and certainly worthy of the indulgence title. I don’t know how on board I can get with Scallopy Mac & Cheese but… sure! Why not? Gregg’s only request was for a dipping sauce for his onion rings which felt a bit like he’d ordered the £55 steak and was going to slather it in tomato sauce.

H’s use of lobster was a nod to Steps celebrating their first No. 1 record which was when he first got to try lobster. Now, I don’t *want* to cast aspersions on H’s claims of never having cooked before BUT, this Squid Ink Pasta and Lobster dish just had a feeling of being a little bit too accomplished for someone whose passion for food started like a week ago

it still wasn’t perfect, purely because he hadn’t given them enough sauce but the lobster and the pasta *were* perfect. As was his Oscars acceptance speech

I still like you H but it’s getting testing.

The last of the main courses was from Tamer who you knew was dead in the water the moment he uttered the words “sea bass” – a fish that every gastro pub has fundamentally ruined the luxury of. His dish however was inspired by trips to Ibiza so it was more a vibes based indulgence

but it’s hard to feel indulged by a dish that looks like it came straight off of the Ember Inn “Under 400 Calories!” menu.

Vito and Harry were both making desserts. Or in the case of Harry: 2 Desserts

I would’ve said it was a trio but I’m not willing to describe that amoebic chocolate puddle in the bottom left as a dessert. It’s a sort of primordial idea of mousse. It was a really great plate of food with the balance between bitter and sweet being spot on, and certainly filled the brief of being indulgent and feeling special.

Lastly we have Vito who I was nervous about because he was just making a cake which often gets the “This isn’t Bake Off” critique. Or at least I was worried about Vito until Tamer proudly announced he was making a salad. But still, just a cake was a risk

however, it was a very moist chocolate cake and the pistachio cream and chocolate ganache layers were more than enough of an accompaniment

I’m rooting for Vito to get the BBC reality TV star circuit equivalent of an EGOT. A RUMPS: Race Across The World, University Challenge (lol), MasterChef, Pointless, Strictly. SOMEONE GIVE VITO AN HONORARY DEGREE FOR THE ACRONYM.

An Indulgent Dish Ranking:
1. S Tier Fried Chicken
2. Harry’s 2 and a Half Desserts
3. Craig’s $teak and $callops
4. At least It Was a Good Just-a-Cake
5. H’s Lobster with a side of Sally Fields
6. You Can’t Indulge With Salad.

It was H and Tamer in the danger zone as they were the only two that got an negative critiques. Of the two, it was also Tamer whose dish had definitely fallen the shortest in terms of meeting the brief so it was fair that he made an exit before Finals Week

I’ll miss you, Hollywood Gangster Number 4

Ands so, FINALS WEEK!