Sir, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

What could be more nourishing than a big bowl of piping hot gravy?

Much Betta!

This week’s brief-giving Critic was Leyla Kazim who was here to drink soup and steal jobs and she was all out of soup

it’s a coup I can support.

For this round, Leyla wanted the quarterfinalists to cook their take on a nourishing and restorative dish which didn’t result in as many bowls of soup as I thought we would. The only person going with soup was Tatiana with her French Onion Soup and a Blue Cheese and Short Rib Toastie

the toasted sandwich did end up being the star of the dish (as it should) because in an effort to thicken up her soup she’d stirred flour through it which took it from being a nourishing bowl of French Onion Soup to A Whole Bowl of Onion Gravy

I’m failing to see the negatives here? Although, there were still some lumps of flour floating around which I think even my brother who just about has to have his own jug of gravy at a roast dinner *might* have issues with.

Stews, which are basically the cousin of soups, were a popular choice but did either result in critical acclaim or BEING UNJUSTLY ELIMINATED, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THIS EPISODE. Abi landed on the right side of Stew History with her cross between a beef stew and a Chinese duck which sadly featured significantly less Frankenstein stitching than I would have liked

it’s a great looking dish with her tempura enoki mushroom and wasabi mashed potato being perfect accompaniments to the star anise and five spice running through the stew.

Lulu sadly hadn’t faired quite so well in the race of the beef stews with her beef being marginally overcooked and tough

but the rest of her dish was very well received, particularly her Sambharo relish and ugali

I am firmly of the opinion that Lulu Can Do No Wrong and I refuse to believe any of the slander inflicted upon her this evening.

Max was going with a childhood favourite which was a bit of an Everything Slop™ as he piled a fish curry sauce on top of lentil rice on top of tarka dhal

everyone had issues with the texturelessness of the dish, although none of them mentioned the emergency poppadom that was clearly there to help with the issue… RELEASE THE POPPADOM CUT!

Heavy spicing was a common theme for this round, with Tom using a turmeric batter for his fish and chips that seemed to be wrapped in The Yaoi Daily (someone’s got some ‘splainin’ to do)

perhaps he isn’t quite the vanilla white man I thought he was, but he’s still well on his way to getting a bingo in Default Setting Man Bingo!

his fish was a little bit overcooked but the rest of the dish was pretty much perfect with John particularly enjoying the novelty of his perfectly cylindrical chips. I would like to know just how much potato ended up going to waste just so that Tom could create a series of very important potato rods

there’s a whole Invention Test worth of potato waste in there.

Lastly we have Dinta who had just decided to make everything she possibly could in the form of a 7 part thali

the particular highlights for the judges were her bhindi, the khadi and her Well Hung Yoghurt™. Then Gregg just liked the paneer pasties and the complimentary chocolate

my favourite thing about this is ALL of this in the same amount of time that James Buckley once took to make just three chocolate truffles and a cup of coffee

he truly won the IDGAF War, every dish was a nuclear weapon of apathy and Lisa Snowdon was the ultimate casualty

the increasing amount of hatred she experienced each time James Buckley came through those swinging doors was divine.

A Nourishing Dish Ranking:
1. Dinta’s Everything And the Kitchen Thali
2. Abi’s Beef Frankenstein
3. Putting Lulu 3rd To Justify Thinking She Should Not Have Been Sent Home
4. Being Battered With The Yaoi Paddle
5. Tatiana’s Emotional Support Gravy
6. Max’s Bowl of Level 4 Puree Comfort

With nothing having gone wrong in their dishes, Dinta and Abi easily managed to nob themselves places in Knockout Week. On the other end of the spectrum, both Tatiana and Max had too many issues with their dishes and found themselves eliminated – Tatiana was willing to go peacefully, Max however wasn’t going to go out without a good old fashioned tavern brawl

and once he’d turned Tom’s potato waste into projectiles and been forcibly removed from the building, they had to make a decision between whether Tom’s overcooked fish or Lulu’s overcooked beef was the bigger error. Sadly they’d already wasted the Wicked Wango Only Two People Are Going Home Card in week 1, and we were saying goodbye to Lulu. But hey, there’s always Drag Race

she’s going to snatch the crown (of chicken).