This better not awaken anything in me.

It was a very relaxed chicken.

Mullet Over

Getting the honour of overseeing the challenges of the final heat of the series (I think, this show does have a habit of somehow never ending) was 2018 finalist Matthew Ryle, who has had to get a new personality because the last time he was on the show it revolved entirely around the fact he was 23 years old and unfortunately for him, he’s had to join those amongst us who have the haunted eyes of someone who has seen their early 30s

and his first Skills Test was a bit of a gauntlet, with the chefs having to prepare and cook a red mullet, braise fennel, make a citrus salad and a Sauce Maltaise

which I do think is a little bit much to foist on someone completely out of the blue with only 20 minutes. I think the challenge could’ve just been 15 minutes and asked them to do the fish and sauce. I cannot stress enough how much the Skills Test does not need to be a full meal. Not to wish Marcus’s unhinged Tiger Prawn Omelette back into the room but I did prefer it when a Skills Test was just knowing how to prepare a specific cut of meat, fish or vegetable and make an omelette more passable than the average British B&B owner.

Natasha was up first and was immediately bamboozled by the whole thing – the judges were at least a little kind with the Sauce Maltaise and explained that it’s a Hollandaise with additional blood orange. What they very nearly ended up with from Natasha though, was a ramekin of orange flavoured egg yolks because she spent ages just… not cooking her Hollandaise over a bain marie

however she had impressed the judges with how quickly she managed to fillet the Red Mullet – it was a real blink and you miss it moment

but she did forget to remove all the pin bones, much to the dismay of Matt Tebbutt’s gums

but for all that, the final dish that she served was kind of perfectly fine? For the edge of disaster that she was teetering on the moment she heard “Sauce Maltaise”, it’s at least edible

and she was making a fabulous case for this being an impossible challenge before in walked Caroline, the personification of a well annotated culinary school textbook

Where Natasha careened her way through the challenge like the Norman conquest with social anxiety, Caroline glided serenely like she herself had set the Skills Test

SHE EVEN CARTOUCHED THE FENNEL!

I genuinely think Matthew felt a touch put out that this went so well.

Crowning Achievements

Matthew’s second Skills Test was a Poussin, which he wanted cooked on the crown and served with a Peppercorn Sauce and a dealer’s choice of potato garnish (you can just say chips, it’s fine)

this feels more like a proper Skills Test and much more of an achievable task, if you don’t stop to be America’s Next Top Tiny Chicken Masseuse

I felt for Gokul in this moment, we’ve all done the thing of not knowing what we’re meant to be doing so fixating on a small repetitive task to try and keep the tears at bay. Granted, it’s usually shuffling the same 5 sheets of paper and not getting oddly intimate with a chicken carcass, they were ready to get a restraining order if he didn’t stop oiling it up

and despite the express desire for him to cook it ON THE CROWN, Gokul’s brain overrode all protocols and just snapped that bird in twain and spatchcocked it

everyone was just glad that despite cooking it fully on the bone, it was actually cooked, if incredibly off-putting once served up

his little parmentier potatoes were also well received enough but his Peppercorn Sauce was not up to scratch, lacking entirely in depth of flavour because he hadn’t been able to use any of the excessively fondled chicken trimmings for it and had ladened it with a thousand dental liabilities and Marcus paid A LOT for that replacement tooth!

Giuseppe’s Skills Test was similarly wishy-washy, his sauce had more depth to it but he’d raced through the challenge at speeds only a panicked Italian could ever hope to reach

so nothing on the plate felt particularly well cared for, except maybe the Stupid Sexy Chicken

GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF GOKUL’S GIRL!

It’s Human Signature

The Signature Dish round really proved that Caroline’s success in the Skills Test was far from a fluke as she delivered a truly stunning Set Honey Custard dessert

I think I say this every year because it inevitably happens to someone, but this feels like a very finale-coded dish and I worry she’s jumped the gun a bit? Because I do think Caroline is too humble to assume she’s going to make the finale – even when casually name dropping George Lucas she still has the demeanour of an 18th century Danish milkmaid who’s just happy if you pay her favourite cow a compliment

I’m almost convinced she’s an enchantress disguising herself as Caroline and if I call her annoying or pretentious I’ll be cursed for 100 years and I’M NOT FALLING FOR IT! Better luck next time, “Caroline”.

The others all had a few repeat problems, Giuseppe is still operating at such a speed that his kinetic energy could be used to power the Large Hadron Collider

he’s certainly splitting things

it may be another ballotine, but it isn’t Halibut! It is however another sort of pseudo-Veronique that comes covered in a coat of pickled grapes that NOBODY is yet to convince me of

not to wish us into a Bechamel-less world, but I am one more serving of pickled grapes away from going back in time and cutting off Escoffier’s hands – we’ll just have to do without Hollandaise as we know it and the unsung apparent war crimes of whoever Jeannette was

WHAT DID YOU DO, JEANNETTE?

Natasha and Gokul both had quite similar problems of getting to the end of the challenge and realising their lamb and beef respectively were not cooked

they both still managed to get fully plated dishes up complete with edible *enough* meat – Natasha’s Suya-spiced Lamb Rack was still a little underdone around the bones

the bigger problem was probably that the suya spicing she’d marinaded the lamb in hadn’t really permeated the meat, so it was a lot more bland than the judges had anticipated. But they did really like her Sweet Potato and Yam Croquettes as well as the Lamb Fat Sauce she’d made to go with everything.
Gokul’s Chettinad Beef was less salvageable because although the judges loved his ever expanding list of spices (rumour has it he’s still listing them)

that was probably where the compliments for the dish began and ended because he’d had to sacrifice the cookery of the beef just to get it done and the coconut-glazed carrots were just raw carrots that had been cordially introduced to the concept of coconut milk

An Unofficial Signature Dish Ranking:
1. Caroline’s Finale Custard
2. Giuseppe’s Pseudo-Veronique [derogatory]
3. Suya Later, Natasha
4. Beef and a Spicey Pokemon Rap

Caroline could’ve put in half the effort and just name-dropped George Lucas and she would’ve still breezed through to the quarterfinal. The bigger decision was whether Natasha or Giuseppe would be joining her – Gokul was out of the question and much too busy making the spice jars kiss. In the end they went with Giuseppe because they can’t out run him

there will be a speed limit in the kitchen from now on.