Jess’s next job could be in cyber. (she just doesn’t know it yet)

Nobody mention the MetaVerse.

What a Load of Roblox

We once again return to the Digital Space although this time with significantly less embarrassing results…

which was quite an accomplishment considering this was a Roblox Challenge being run by a woman saying things like this

Winnie Burke wasn’t the only special guest for this challenge as she was joined by Yammy the Gamer (presumed descendent of Edward the Confessor)

and why stop at just 2? Isamaya Ffrench was also sitting in because Val was off working in Paris (no relation to Reem’s Prize of Definitely Not Meeting Lady Gaga)

she had indeed stuffed her ears with cheese so nobody could ask her how the MetaVerse was doing…

For their Roblox Challenge, the MUAs had to produce a full-body nature inspired makeup to be used as a Roblox avatar. As this was a big workload and they’d only hired out the Frameless Gallery for 5 hours, they were working in teams of 2: Team Colla

and Team Shass

both teams managed to collaborate really well, which was a downside of leaving the team challenge to this late in the competition – what’s the point of it if someone isn’t have a miserable time while their other teammates go through a messy, messy divorce

last year’s MetaVerse Challenge That Aged Like Milk should’ve won a BAFTA.

The teams had two very different approaches to the challenge: Connor and Ella were going incredibly literal while Jess and Shania were taking a more abstract inspiration. The overlap of the two teams being a competitive rivalry for orange paint

Jess and Shania needed it because they were taking inspiration from the colours of a sunset while Ella and Connor needed it for… the natural desire to spite the people around you as their design didn’t really feature *any* orange

God bless this design, it’s exactly the perfect level of slightly cringe for a Roblox avatar. My only disappointment is that at some point the two of them did decide against the novelty Andrew Christian dick butterfly underwear

or at least someone pulled them aside and told them under no circumstances could Roblox allow players to run around with a massive lepidopteric schlong. Even if they had gone with it though, it would have been lost to the Mini Skirt of Censorship

Connor and Ella did end up winning even if their look lacked a bit of imagination. The judges were just a little bit unreceptive to Shania and Jess’s more conceptual approach of the Na’vi we have at home

I personally preferred this one, the judges didn’t see it as particularly nature inspired however I think it comes across as quite reptilian. They may have also been quietly dinged because both of them kept unironically saying “Yeah, I’m a gamer” like they were deep-fried memes of the distant past

and then Shania kept namedropping Call of Duty because that’s how she met her girlfriend and we cannot have conflicting IPs

nothing brings the gays closer than shooting nazi zombies.

A Potential Mother

For this week’s creative brief, the MUAs were given the simple assignment of Love. The twist being that this week their models would be their loved ones – Jess got her cousin, Shania got her tactical warfare girlfriend, Ella got Smurfette

and Connor got his mum who may have thought he’d run away from home

oh to be a fly on the wall when Connor’s mum got the phone call that her son wasn’t sleeping over at his friend’s house and was actually on a BBC reality TV competition.

With their loved ones having pitched up, it was rather fortunate that nobody had planned a look inspired by their family dog. Although Shania was waxing lyrical about her collection of pretty rocks

I’m still holding out for the Creative Brief where the big reveal is that their models have been replaced with a dozen free range eggs

absolutely HOWLING at Patrick Starr catching more strays in that Google search than Connor’s poor nan

she must be like 75 years old, let her uncreatively fart in peace!

For her love of shiny placebos, Shania was turning her girlfriend, Kira, into an Amethyst Goddess and sending the fear of God into everyone because despite starting 15 minute late, she spent a lot of time drawing a window into the swirling intergalactic void on her chest

a feature that the photographer then proceeded to shadily crop out during the judging segment so Dom could have more of an issue with the slightly wonky gold portions on her girlfriend’s face

I know the judges got to see the full effect of the makeup, but we as the audience never really got a well framed visualisation of how it all worked together

personally I kind of love fully ascended omnipotent goddess, Violet Beauregarde.

As Jess was on a team with Shania, she also found herself in the red chair and probably in need of a lump of Hematite to drown out the increasing blare of the Ironside Sirens in the distance

Shania meanwhile was going full Daenerys and mentally raizing Roblox to the ground

to be fair, Jess has every right to be annoyed about being there – she painted that man’s hole like a sunset AND FOR WHAT?

luckily she was just having to paint her cousin Magda’s face this time, Im sure Magda was just as relieved.
Jess’s inspiration was coming from her Congolese and Angolan heritage – choosing to do a metallic look to reference the natural resources that are exported out of the two countries

I really loved this look, I do agree with Val in that Jess could’ve pushed the asymmetry more to make it feel more purposeful and to make better use of the Mwila tribe inspired beads. Dom however chose to focus on the fact the metallic paint highlighted her cousin’s skin texture. Which I actually thought was quite a cool and emotive element of the makeup considering it was about a love for herself and her ancestry.

I think Connor had the makeup that most embodied where the show clearly wanted these inspirations for love to go having chosen to do a look inspired by motherly love and his model being his mum

it’s a very pretty makeup, he does have a real talent for a colourful blend. Val took issue with the use of the black butterflies because she wanted a full pastelisation

but I’m sure if he’d only used white butterflies someone would’ve critiqued the look as lacking in contrast – it was just finding something to critique for the sake of critique. Either way, Dom would hang it in his salon

I think about that Andre Leon Talley quote far too often.

Lastly we have Ella who was turning her mum into concept art for a Beatles remix album

it’s a fun look, the judges had some trouble with the orange getting a little muddy – I however think the completely unpainted shoulder is the more egregious issue.

Hey, Stud!

There was no escaping the Face Off Challenge for the two Red Chairees, although I think one of them should’ve been swapped out for Ella. So Jess and Shania were entering a Face Off over a smoked out studded eye with the added difficulty of trying not to cut themselves on their models’ jawlines

it’s a very Eurovision-coded look and one that seems to be begging for an eye infection given how trigger happy Jess got with the glue

it was a pretty cut and dry win for Shania, so much so that Dom and Val struggled to have their mandatory “conflab” and I think Jess knew she was a goner when Dom and Val simply walked to the back of the room and returned 10 seconds later

that’s the face a girl so worn down by having to complete makeup looks in under 20 minutes. So, Jess goes out at the semi-final

*I* liked her.

We have our finalists!