Drag Race, Season 14, Episode 7: A Dash of Nosferatu

Welcome to Kerri Colby’s Trans Affirmation Race.

Hold onto your moustaches, it’s a… windy ride.

A New Daya is Breaking

Having won the lipsync and got herself the final word in hers and Maddy’s nonsense fight, Jasmine’s spirits were running high, however not all was fine amongst the cast because as everyone congratulates Jasmine for her lipsync and Jorgeous for having won the entire challenge mostly by narrowly avoiding dressing like Sexy Grimace, Daya was slowly dying inside

and after having managed to keep most of it bottled during Untucked so as not to disturb Jasmine and Maddy’s screaming match, she finally lets it all loose and lists everything she made before calling Jorgeous’s outfit “a napkin”, which is mean because it was at least 2 napkins

and Jorgeous isn’t the quickest queen on her metaphorical feet so she kind of just sits there and takes it without arguing, but once she’s had 2 hours to think about it, she lets loose in the confessional booth about how Daya did the exact same character makeup twice in a row and her dress was covered in wrinkles. I imagine Jorgeous is well versed in arguing with herself in the shower and it doesn’t give me much hope for her efforts in Snatch Game when she inevitably does a very unfunny Selena.

Lady Camden at least managed to handle her own unjust defeat in the challenge a lot better and takes a glorious potshot at Daya

if this episode did anything, it has fully converted me to a Lady Camden stan account, it was a VERY good episode for her.

Daya does, somewhat, come to her senses the next day – emotionally, fashionably it’s a Flavortown disaster

The doors Maddy Morphsis has opened.

Daya does offer Jorgeous an apology, stipulating that it’s “as a friend” – so as a competitor, she is still ragingly bitter and will do anything in her power to crush Jorgeous like an ant.
Daya is quite clearly the most hung up about placements and rankings this season, because she does spend a considerable amount of time later poking fun at Jasmine for being in the bottom two, which she probably shouldn’t do seeing as she was literally eliminated on her first episode, which is I suppose what’s kind of breeding this insecurity. Well that and the words “Crystal” and “Methyd”.

The Winds of Change

For this week’s Maxi Challenge the queens were having to star in a drag soap opera called The Daytona Wind and nobody was more excited than Lady Camden who has been to drama school

She didn’t really need to tell us she had been to drama school seeing as she radiates Theatre Kid Energy at a near atomically unsafe level. Geiger Counters at the ready ladies.

The Daytona Wind centred three major Drag Race families: The Davenports, The O’Haras and The Michaelseseseses – and of which only pictures of Ra’Jah and Eureka were used because they had clearly only just finished filming All Stars 6

given how many of them are LA based these days, they could have worked in some cameos. Or hell, just buy a 10 second video from each of them off of Cameo.

Because Ru had apparently decided to spend this week’s Pit Crew budget on fart sound effects, there is no mini challenge and so Jorgeous was put in charge of assigning the roles. Jorgeous of course promises shady tactics

and then because she’s about as ruthless as a goldfish, she proceeds to give out the roles in a very diplomatic fashion and the whole thing goes down without the humiliation of anyone being forced to audition for a role. The only minor disagreement is that DeJa initially wanted the role that Jorgeous was planning on giving herself and after seeing the final product, I can’t imagine DeJa playing the role, or Jorgeous playing the role of the O’Hara Matriarch for that matter.

I was surprised there wasn’t more of an argument over the role of Fancy seeing as though it was clearly the star turn as the Joan Collins inspired character, which Bosco honed in on immediately and snapped up. Though I think Lady Camden might have argued for the role had she not had a 0.5 reading speed, which did mean she got lumped with the role of Leona, which she wasn’t thrilled with until she found it meant to she would get to touch Angeria’s boobs

down girls.

This was the first scripted acting challenge the queens had been given, with the previous Teaser Trailer challenge having been scripted by the queens themselves. Kerri had landed in the bottom two that week and so I was a little bit worried for her, but given that she’s now the lead narrator of Kerri Colby’s Trans Conversion Race, she’s got used to the art of reading lines and was significantly better this week. It did help that she had a much smaller, quieter role in this challenge with most of her acting just being to pretend to ugly cry, sigh dramatically and look slightly confused for extensive periods of time

I also think it helped that she was being directed by Ru this week who, given the amount of genuine on-set acting experience she has (if I may be so generous as to call AJ and The Queen acting) does better understand how to draw a performance out of a queen than Michelle does. And she could make the queens mug to camera for 5 seconds at a time so they could add fart sound effects in post without any of the queens questioning it by just blaming it on a coffee enema.

Jorgeous was also worried going in given that she struggles to say more than three words at a time, but with her knowledge of Telenovellas she had Ru eating out of the palm of her hand with how good at mugging to camera she was

DeJa on the other hand, having narrowly missed out on winning the previous acting challenge, struggled a little bit with memorising her novel’s worth of lines, as well as the fact she couldn’t keep her absurd southern accent going for more than 4 words before just becoming full Fresno again, but she looked GORGEOUS in that wig I loved so much from her bridal ball look

it probably didn’t help that she went first, and was clearly dealt the majority of absurd pauses for them to add fart sounds over so her cadence was very unnatural. Had she gone later and at least had Jasmine’s absurd texan circus clown accent where every word had both an ellipses and an interrobang after it, she might have been able to buil;d herself a better role. But truly it was Jasmine’s look that sold the performance as she fully leaned into the fact she has the ability to look like Madame Tussauds tried to make an Alyssa Edwards waxwork

her performance was an absurd delight with it being part Dynasty, part local double-glazing advert and just a dash of Nosferatu

I swear to God, if Jasmine doesn’t turn this character into a TikTok megalith, she’s missing a trick!

The southern accents were of course integral to the production, which did mean that Angeria was perfectly well off in that regard, she was just having a struggle getting her words out, and it probably didn’t help that her main scene partner was Lady Camden Doing The Most

quite why she’s dressed like she’s a civil war soldier whose about to put on a production of The Nutcracker, I cannot tell you but whatever the reason, it was certainly working. I don’t know if it was my favourite performance of the bunch, I think Camden was mostly in the top because of her runway. I’m also a little iffy about the constant use of lesbianism as a punchline on Drag Race, especially with the fact queer women, especially lesbians, have been kept at an arm’s length from the show for a long time.

Daya, still very much hungry for a top placement, found herself in direct competition with Willow as they played a pair of sisters – which on paper sounds like a sure fire way to be utterly overshadowed, especially when you find out she’s going to be doing her best Moira Rose impression (Michelle clearly had time to watch Schitt’s Creek between Drag Race Down Under and this season) and walking around with one of Olivia Lux’s tiny handbags

but Daya held her own, I can’t say I was overly keen on the look she chose as part of this Southern family drama but the judges didn’t seem to mind

I had also expected them to continue the Daya Betty Torture Experiment and majorly narrow in no the lips,

but guest judge TS Madison was all for them and nobody dared contradict her – as God intended.

Willow and Daya did indeed work very well together and their roles were very funny, but the scene stealer of the episode, for me at least, was Bosco entering and looking nigh on unrecognisable as she just became Reba McEntire

I adored this, and after she got severely overlooked in the previous acting challenge, I’m glad she got recognised for this performance because it was VERY good. And to whoever brought that Reba McEntire wig in, explain yourself in 1500 words.

Overall I think this was a really brilliant acting challenge – the whole thing made as much sense as you could hope for from a Drag Race acting challenge and while I would ordinarily roll my eyes and say I wish they hadn’t gone with the fart jokes, but the fact they hadn’t told the queens about it was genius, which I do think was genuine based on Ru’s sly look to camera when the first one went off as they watched it

oh she was so pleased with herself, and the fact the queens didn’t know meant that they all gave very sincere performances which made the gag actually work.

Alright Chaps?

Well, they’ve finally given in and just made chaps a runway theme, the doors Ellie Diamond has opened

Is that last one chaps? Probably about as much as whatever Jorgeous wore, I just wanted to post that seagull costume again.

Obviously chaps have become a bit of a drag queen staple and we pretty regularly see them on the runway and across the drag queen Instagram spectrum. And there were a couple of looks tonight that struck me as distinctly “I owned this already, it’ll do” – DeJa’s probably the most of all

it’s a perfectly fine look, there’s not really much to it, it’d work great in a club. But I did really love her hair and makeup

a blue and orange contrast is always going to work me, and her highlight isn’t looking so stark anymore!

Jorgeous’s outfit also struck me as distinctly “I owned this” – it’s just that what she owned wasn’t actually chaps, you cannot wear your underpants over your tights like Superman in a boudoir and call it “chaps”

this is… baffling and I don’t know why she keeps championing these awkward mid-butt cut garments

but it was a beautiful bra that she had on

and Jorgeous knows how to sell a garment on the runway – she really puts on a whole ~performance~ whenever she walks out, and Ru is eating it up.

Angeria’s gold look wasn’t the most inventive take on chaps, but somehow she has never looked more like Princess Jasmine when she wore them

it’s a perfectly fine look, I once again find myself wishing for slightly smaller earrings, which is a vain dream when she’s a pageant queen so maybe I should wish instead for smaller shoulder adornments.

I imagine one of the biggest issues the queens faced when thinking of their concepts for the runway was “How do I avoid being a cowboy?” and so we got some fairly… strange themes for a chaps runway, none more so than Jasmine who came as a be-chapped graduate

do I think she owned this beforehand and realised it was her college colours and thus this look was born? Yes, I absolutely do because I refuse to believe she went to a designer and asked them to make her a graduation gown with chaps.
While we’re on the subject of Jasmine, in this week’s Untucked she came out as a transwoman, which she hadn’t intended to do while on the show given that she had delayed starting HRT because she didn’t want to have to be dealing with that AND being on Drag Race. But she did say that being on Drag Race confirmed that she wanted to go through with her transition because she had seen how happy and beautiful Kerri was – and I know we shouldn’t use trauma as screencaps, but Jasmine sobbing “You’re so beautiful” at Kerri is highly relatable, I find myself frequently wanting to do it

Truly it is Kerri Colby’s Egg Cracking Race, we have to stan. I hadn’t realised that Kornbread had only come out as trans after filming too – I had just heard she was trans and had assumed that was the case going in. Kerri is a force of nature. Who’s next? We have a trans omelette to make.
But on a serious note, I am so happy for Jasmine, I saw a lot of myself in that Untucked moment, and I hope it was as cathartic for her as it seemed to be.

Now, one of my biggest rules for Drag Race would always be “If the challenge is not a hair challenge, don’t make it into a hair challenge” – a motto birthed after Miz Cracker dressed as a hirsute dashboard dancer

this look haunts me to this day.

Falling victim to the hairy siren song this season was Kerri Colby

genuine dry heaves at the thought of wearing what essentially looks like a blocked drain, I hate it SO MUCH. However, the braided wig that would put Rapunzel to shame? I am OBSESSED, as I am with the return of her crownless hat brim

it’s well on its way to getting more time on the runway than June Jambalaya.

We may not have got any cowboys – we would have had Maddy Morphsis still been around with these absolutely insane chaps

but we did get a couple of fetish-adjacent looks, and a whole lecture about the history of Folsom Street Fair from Bosco who brought it up in that super unnatural way that Sasha Velour kept bringing up queer history tidbits whenever the story producer under her makeup table prodded her with a pen. I did think this was a hint that Bosco was going to wear a full on puppy play outfit on the runway, however we got a much softer take on fetishwear

I LOVE this, my one complaint is that I wish the shoes were a little more cohesive, they’re kind of just a go-to silver stiletto but she looks phenomenal in that baby pink colour and the wig, which she did stress was human hair because if I had paid upwards of $700 for a wig I would too, moved divinely

I would simply never take it off.

Willow also gave us some fetishwear in that she was wearing black latex with a really lovely oil-slick sheen to it and was clearly VERY uncomfortable

also, I’m sure there’s someone with a wedgie fetish out there somewhere. This is another good look from Willow, it is of course reminiscent of Symone’s Red Runway look from the season 13 finale

but it’s VERY different and I liked the Matrix-y vibe she was giving what is a very goofy look

I love that drag queens are single-handedly keeping the laser cut plastic glasses industry afloat.

When Lady Camden initially came out I did wonder if she had misunderstood this assignment

but oh how she FULLY understood the assignment and gave us one of the best runway moments of all time when she pulled off an all too convincing pratfall

and she sold it in the voiceover and then, like a mustachioed phoenix from the ashes, she arose with her nod to Freddie Mercury

and I love the videos going round on Twitter of the reactions in gay bars, especially in her hometown as everyone becomes distraught when she falls and then absolutely blows the roof off when she says “PSYCH!” and starts prancing around as only a ballet school child could. My favourite part of the whole thing though was her desperately having to hold onto her moustache as she lost it during each and every fart that went off while they watched The Daytona Wind

My only fear with this is that, like Sasha Velour unto reveals, Lady Camden is going to unleash a wave of increasingly obscene fake injury stunts. Calling it now, someone walks on with one of those fake heads that Jared Leto had at the Camp MET Gala and has it just fall off and roll across the runway.

Lastly we have Daya Betty who was essentially doing Alyssa Hunter’s JLo look

this is pretty cool though, and was made by Gigi Goode’s mother! Those Crystal Methyd connections don’t always come to bite you in the ass. Of all of tonight’s look, this one certainly felt the most fashionable, my only wish is that she had better pants on

I just have visions of a Mob Boss sitting behand a huge desk, threatening someone and the standing to reveal a pair of chapped trousers and lacy, rhinestoned knickers.

A Chaps Runway Ranking

  1. Lady Camden’s Emmy Award
  2. Daya Betty’s Crotchless Mobster
  3. Kink 101 with Professor Bosco
  4. Willow’s Blue Pilled Wedgie
  5. DeJa at The Club
  6. Jasmine Graduating With a High 2:1
  7. Princess Jasmine of ABBA
  8. Jorgeous’s Artistically Layered Underwear
  9. Hairy Colby

This was a really strong challenge for pretty much everyone and I really do think it was worth there being no bottom placements. They also needed a week with a reprieve seeing as Kornbread had to drop out. So the only safe queens were Kerri, Angeria and DeJa – which I think was fair, Kerri and DeJa probably had the least interesting parts and Angeria struggled the most in terms of getting a good performance out of her and none of their runways were truly outstanding. So the top six of the week were Lady Camden, Daya, Willow, Jorgeous, Jasmine and Bosco – all of them get a lot of praise, there’s only some reservation about the validity of Jorgeous’s non-chaps and you know Ru was very disappointed in them because she could have easily justified making Jorgeous lipsync for her this week if she had just worn a child’s cowboy costume.

In the end the top 2 were Lady Camden and Daya Betty because apparently Ru is through with the Daya Betty Torture Experiment for at least 1 week.

One Way To Decide a Winner

In order to decide who got the $5000 prize for the episode, Lady Camden and Daya had to lipsync to One Way Or Another by Blondie which is a really stupidly fun lipsync song. I’m not sure Daya had much of angle when she went into this lipsync and I think unironically doing an air guitar solo in a lipsync is a bad sign

but she wasn’t bad, there just wasn’t a lot of substance to it, and much like Angeria in the acting challenge she was pretty much eaten alive from the beginning when Lady Camden just went off – I absolutely HOWLED when she just booked it across the stage in front of a shot of Daya as she slid into a splits

and then proceeded to prance around the stage like a glamrock velociraptor

with the painted on moustache though she does look like the lovechild of Robbie Rotten and Sportacus from LazyTown.

It was a pretty fun lipsync from both girls, lipsyncing for the win really does change the entire dynamic and honestly, if the show could ever afford to, I would always do a lipsync for the win and a lipsync for your life. It was also nice to see Daya giving a lipsync performance in which she could move because A. she wasn’t wearing stupidly tall shoes as she was in her Talent Show performance and B. she wasn’t done up like a Chinese finger trap as she was in the Fallin’ lipsync against DeJa.

Ultimately the win was pretty decisively Lady Camden

which I was pretty happy with, especially after she very much deserved the win last week.

And so, 9 queens still remain

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