Truly it is Pangina Heals’s Drag Race.
Welcome to the third episode of Drag Race UK vs Questionable Judging Decisions That Might Result In An International Conflict.
Having unsurprisingly lost the lipsync, Jimbo does of course have to reveal whose lipstick she had chosen and from her bra comes… more boob food
I really want to know if she planned on doing that if she won the lipsync. But once the cookie gag is over and done with, it is revealed that she had picked Jujubee’s lipstick
which does rather put the cat amongst the pigeons when Jujubee brings up the “alliance” she and Jimbo had formed in their Untucked discussion. To be honest, after the critiques Jujubee got, I would have probably pulled her lipstick too and justified it as a mercy killing. What I probably wouldn’t have done though is tell Jujubee I had made the exact same pact, verbatim, with Cheryl. But nobody was more spooked by Jimbo’s truly terrible display of alliance building than Baga and their Team Bimbo bond, but Jimbo reassures her that their alliance is “the real one” – quite why everyone is so eager to attach themselves to Jimbo when she lipsyncs like Sideshow Bob repeatedly walking into rakes I don’t know
She will NEVER be able to save you.
It’s difficult to recap a reading challenge without it just being a boring reciting of the reads, but needless to say Jujubee mopped the floor with everyone, she might not have reached the lofty heights of “IS YOUR BARBECUE CANCELLLLLLLLED? BECAUSE YOUR GRILL IS FUCKED!” but I did howl myself into another dimension after her read of Janey’s lips
Given that Baga is always described as a comedy queen, I had expected her to maybe be a little bit better than she was but all of those hopes were dashed when she had about as good a grasp of what irony is as Alanis Morissette with her read about Jujubee’s “ironic” backrolls and low balling a read about Jimbo being old, which is never going to go down well with RuPaul who is almost twice Jimbo’s age. And given that Mo has been unabashedly shady since the competition began, I had expected better reads from her, and I’m not sure if her reads were actually *that* bad or if it was just the fact she was delivering them in the same cadence that Florence Welch sings in, which is to say like a nervous sheep going over a cattle grate.
Unsurprisingly Jujubee wins, mostly because she said the word “diarrhea” and RuPaul almost pissed himself – her only real competition was Pangina who had a good one about Jimbo going down like the Titanic, lest we forget
it’s nice when a queen clearly has a read they came up with during the competition and didn’t pay a joke writer to make up for them prior to the season and then desperately trying to pin it to a queen.
A Dead End
This week’s main challenge was of course the rusical, which was thankfully being returned to a Lipsync Rusical as they learned their lesson during Canada’s Drag Race Season 2’s live singing lipsync – Eve6000 valiantly reaching for a high note she was absolutely not capable of reaching while her wig slowly tumbled down her back haunts me to this day
and because she won the reading challenge, Jujubee is given the honour of ruining Baga Chipz’s entire life by not giving her the Liza Minnelli role. Baga’s entitlement to that part was honestly baffling, especially when she did her Liza dancing and looked more like your drunk uncle doing the Thriller routine
Mo’s reaction said it all
I just can’t get over the fact Baga acted like she was THE Liza Minnelli impersonator when literally any drag queen worth their weight in salt can do a decent Liza. I also don’t know why everyone didn’t see the part as the sandtrap of the challenge given that comparatively, the song was the least fun one but Jujubee wanted that part and got it she did, which I’m not surprised about considering it meant she got to wear another black mini dress
it’s an addiction at this point, I mean she dressed like a Clinique beautician just for her choreography session
if she continues as this rate, she won’t have anything from New Look’s Office Staples Line to wear when she’s inevitably cast on Antarctica’s Drag Race.
Juju taking Liza and everyone else who was fighting for that role taking their second option meant Baga got landed with the Hairspray Parody who was named Tracey Fatberg, which for some reason nobody wanted despite it having one of the more memorable songs. But Baga REALLY didn’t want the part and proceeded to throw her toys out of her cot. The thing is though, with Baga it’s all so insincere – she’s extremely television savvy and she knows what plays well and every second of this tantrum felt like it had been pulled straight from the Kim Woodburn Playbook which I find exhausting, as did Johannes who had to put up with it during their choreography session
as for her performance, it wasn’t a car crash, it was just very tepid but I think she was hugely inhibited by the wig they had given her for the role, it was sitting very low and just about completely covering her eyes at all times
which really on highlighted the fact her lipsync was a little off in places.
Tracey wasn’t the only part that people were avoiding like the plague because for some reason nobody wanted the part that, amongst all these bootleg musical character names, was just Meryl Streep and quite clearly the comedic linchpin of the whole Rusical. It was Janey that was eventually bullied into taking the role
this number was great and definitely the most polished of the bunch, that might also be because I got more of the references and I just find the entire concept of Meryl Streep repeatedly being cast in musicals despite not being the best singer to be VERY funny – I was however sad that The Symbolic Red Scarf never made an appearance, but there was a scarf
I guess I’ll take it.
The unabashed dud role though was Dodo The Dog, which Jimbo was drawn to like a moth to a flame and boy did she get burnt with this weak parody of, what I think was meant to be, Defying Gravity? As well as her outfit which looked more like a sexy cavewoman from a 70s B-movie than it did a dog, which I say full well knowing she had a pair of dog ears on
but I might blame that more on the fact Jimbo is contractually obligated to wear nothing less than an F-cup titty bib. I also don’t know why she was wearing the dorothy wig because it seriously muddied up the entire look and felt like more of a distraction than the fact Jimbo cannot dance to save her very white ass.
I am always surprised that Mo Heart isn’t a dancer, because she’s so charismatic that I just automatically think she’s a great mover, and then I do of course remember the infamous cartwheel
which she did at least show she had managed to improve upon in her choreography session
because it did not go so well in her actual performance, imaginably because she was inhibited by a cropped cardigan and a wrap skirt
but she recovered from it well and I personally didn’t see the panic in her eyes that Michelle claimed she did because she kept the energy of her routine going and remained in character the whole time.
I did find it very funny that in the previous two episodes they’ve eliminated two dancing queens and then the two remaining strongest dancers, Janey and Pangina, both got parts that required little to no dancing with Janey wafting around stage and Pangina doing a very basic tap dance while looking like Little Orphan Baby Jane
I really hated this, but mostly just because how utterly well it was done by Pangina. Gotta say though, I would’ve loved to see Pangina in the Dr. Spank’n’Spurter look. For scientific reasons, obviously.
And lastly we have Blu Hydrangea as Mariah gon Trappy, the horny nun which Blu embodied perfectly and I think, in terms of a fully realised performance, was the strongest of the night and certainly didn’t get enough credit for doing the whole Pennywise jig in a pair of stilettos
That is not easy… I may have tried. But the highlight of the routine was absolutely the sight of a nun death-rolling across the stage to increasingly insane operatic vocalisations
Ma’am, this was art.
-.. — – …
The runway prompt this week was merely “dots” and I personally love a colour or a pattern prompt because it really lets the queens run wild with it and some of them did, and then some of them just wore a polka dotted dress, so I’ll start with the stronger of those two
I really loved this on Janey – there’s a hint of Mugler to the fit and sharpness of it. Personally I loved the length of the skirt, I could have done with a little more ostrich feathers on the hat to give it some more impact. I also just really loved that shade of lipstick she was wearing, but I think with that and the dark wig she could have afforded to contour a little stronger, but it’s a look I would like to own nonetheless.
And then we have Baga who was going for a Ladies Day at Aintree look
and I will say, I do prefer it to her Ladies Day at Aintree look from season 1
I think it’s at least a sartorially cohesive look – you can’t really go wrong with pink and white and I like that she had two different polka dots to give some depth to the look which is often lacking with Baga. But, like a lot of Baga’s looks, it does look a bit like she stole it from a community theatre’s costume box. And the makeup was…
maybe it’s just that I have a personal vendetta against Mac’s Saint Germain lipstick but it just all looks a little off. And the less said about the damp looking Anne-Marie wig the better.
Jujubee had a lot to prove with this runway given the poor reception her looks have been getting, which is unfortunate because she’s rather lumbered with whatever she brought and what she brought are just a selection of classic Jujubee Entrance Looks, this week’s being a patented Jujubee black mini-dress she had glued a dissected octopus pool toy to
this is particularly underwhelming because it looks like someone tried to recreate her AMAZING All Stars 5 Freak Look for their cat
and there is a good look in there, if she had really leant into the inherent eroticism of a latex tentacle, but here’s just no thought to how the tentacles were placed, she’s just a knotted mass of jelly snakes. And remember when I said Jujubee’s wigs would always be Top Tier? Well, flog me in the town square because I lied
it’s very “Tell me you wish to be eliminated without telling me you wish to be eliminated.”
I was a little surprised with how restrained Jimbo was with this prompt given that nipples are nature’s polka dots, but I loved her glamorous Great Gazoo look
we do not get nearly enough good coats on the runway and this lime green plastic raincoat sparks so much joy in me, as does the black helmet that makes her head look a bit like a Magic 8 Ball.
I’ve been a little cool on Blu’s looks so far this season, but this week she did what I’ve been begging her to do because nobody does these bizarre full face make-ups like her
it’s just so beautiful and damn impressive that she pulled it off given the fact they had a very short time to get ready between the rusical and the runway. And the full look was just so impactful
I adore this, it’s very Italian Opera and I cannot believe she was only safe after producing one of the more competent performances and giving us a serve of a runway look, but it’s looking like Blu might be the unfortunate victim of RuPaul’s International Saw Trap.
Monique also had a strong showing on the runway, duh, with her Sulley But Fashion look
interesting that nobody was allowed to utter the words “Monsters Inc.” or “Sulley” and yet with Cheryl’s cat look last week everyone could acknowledge that she was doing Marie from Aristocats cosplay. I love most of the outfit, the boobs of the bodice are bonkers and I will say, I wish there was just a little more volume and sleekness to the wig but the makeup was incredible – she and Kerri Colby are doing wonders for the two-toned eye look.
And lastly we have Pangina Heals who was dressed as GiGi Goode’s Ball Ball look but Gigantamax’d
I want to really love this, and I do like the Kasuma Yaoi of it all and I think it’s a very impressive runway look. I just find it to be a little overwhelming and lacking in a focal point, which in itself is kind of the point. But I did love that the Chinese lantern style helmet did come down to reveal…
I always love it when a queen tries something different with their makeup, I am after all the Number One Dusty Ray Bottoms Apologist, but I don’t know what to make of this – it’s like someone had 1 minute to paint themself like Bert and/or Ernie and I get the impression it was more the result of the fact the time between the Rusical and the Runway was very short because her Instagram post has very different makeup and a better wig
but don’t worry, the makeup only got more nuts as the evening progressed.
A Dot Dot Dot Runway Look Ranking
- Blu Hydrangea’s Case of The Operatic Measles
- Mo-nsters Inc
- Janey Jacké as Corporate Big Bird
- The Great Jimbo
- Pangina’s Colour Blindness Test
- Baga as DeJa Skye, The Pastel Princess
- Jujubee Longs For Sweet Contractual Release
So this week’s judging was pure clownery because in no way were Blu or Baga safe – Blu deserved a top placement and Baga absolutely deserved to be in the bottom – and there’s only 7 queens left, you might as well just give them all a critique, what are we playing at? But I get that we have to drag Baga through to Snatch Game and Ru is just out to break Blu Hydrangea’s soul, which seems to be working if the preview for next week’s episode is anything to go by.
The bottoms are inevitably Jujubee and joining her, in a fall from grace, was Jimbo.
As for the tops, Janey and Pangina continue to dominate as they both equal Jimbo’s double top placement – I think I would have had Blu in there, and I would have put her in over Pangina, but then we wouldn’t have been given the treat of a lipsync that Pangina gave us so… threeway lipsync?
Is The Venga Bus Still Running?
I would have said that a lipsync to We Like To Party by The VengaBoys would’ve been a terrible lipsync, especially one with no time to plan for it and yet… Pangina and Janey were both kind of brilliant. I was immediately obsessed with Janey’s take on it as she went full 90s with her outfit
meanwhile Pangina had, imaginably in an effort to give herself some expressive features after she obliterated her eyebrows, MacGyver’d herself a new set of brows out of sticky notes and in the process made herself look even more like a fashionable Bert
and Pangina was out for blood, I have never seen anyone deliver a performance of a Vengaboys song while looking quite so serious
and while Pangina Waacked herself into a frenzy, Janey was stuck in a constant loop of doing this
which was about as much as the queens in the background were doing throughout the whole thing
which isn’t to say I didn’t think Janey was good, I think if anything she perfectly captured the spirit of We Love To Party. But my favourite part was when, right at the start of the song, she turned to face away from the judges for a good while
and I thought a reveal must be coming – perhaps a moustache made from sticky notes. But nope, she just did it so that she could dramatically turn to face the judges again and make sure her highlighter caught the light
Janey Jacké, international woman of mystery.
Pangina did win the lipsync, and deservedly so for navigating her party popper reveal that almost ended up in a drag queen snaring
and then because Jimbo had well and truly screwed things up for herself by trying to make alliances with every queen and tiny umbrella in sight, Pangina decided to completely wipe Canada off the board
I’m gutted, Jimbo was a lot of fun to have on the show whereas Jujubee is just kind of floundering and it’s a little sad to watch actually. It’s the problem with the All Stars voting format, it makes for a compelling competition between the queens but kind of hampers the fun of the TV show for viewers.
And with Snatch Game next week I’m worried for Mo and Blu while I’m sure Baga will go on to live another week, then we’re probably due an acting challenge where I’m sure she’ll manage to hi-jack another quote as a catchphrase that only makes Ru laugh.
And so, 6 Queens remain…
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