Drag Race 13, Episode 6: The Wildly Transmogriphying Clown

What is Utica’s obsession with dressing like a piece of art that Phoebe Buffay made?

Have you ever wanted to learn about the history of disco through a series of RuPaul’s anecdotes followed by a dance routine so sloppy that it makes you question the very concept of human motor skills? Then I’ve got just the thing for you!

Untucked and Overspilling

If you thought the drama between Yvie and Silky on season 11 was overproduced nonsense, welcome to the amateur dramatics that is Kandy Muse vs Tamisha Iman. Who’s right in this particular battle? Absolutely nobody – both of them are obviously spiralling out, Tamisha is insecure about the fact she has now placed bottom twice and Kandy feels like she’s slipping in the competition – which isn’t not true and hopefully this episode is the kick in the ass that she needs to get her head straight.
Was Tamisha saying “I don’t care for some of the girls here” very deliberately trying to rile people up? Yes of course it was, she knew what she was saying and how it was going to go down. You don’t tell people you don’t care for them expecting to them to roll over and accept that, least of all human cannonball Kandy Muse, who if you’re even vaguely aware of drag culture online you know has a short fuse. But let’s not entirely excuse Kandy going from 0 to WWE in a matter of seconds but obviously the word “arrogant” is a bit of a trigger word for her and maybe the word “pompous” is a better fit – it essentially means the same thing but is a little softer.
Star of the whole *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* fight was Elliott’s attempt to diffuse it by asking what was for dinner

It’s very child-of-a-divorce-who-doesn’t-like-it-when-mummy-and-daddy-fight.

You’re Blending In

The mini challenge this week is for the queens to pair up in order to create an eye-catchy garment out of a vibrantly patterned fabric – but they will also be standing in front of a wall coated in matching wallpaper! Does this actually matter of affect the challenge in any way? No, they just needed to advertise that Spoonflower did both fabric and wallpaper. The real twist is that the pairs the queens choose to work in for the mini challenge will also be their teams for the main challenge. Of course there’s an off number of queens so as a reward for winning last time, Gottmik gets to choose which pair to make a trio – obviously Gottmik chooses Kandy and Tina because they’ve become the most tiresome clique in the whole Drag Race canon

It’s quite the achievement considering there’s The Heathers, RoLaskaTox, Bianca del Rio and that one dress pattern and of course The Dream Girls that season 11 briefly tried to make a thing in the last few episodes of the season.

The mini challenge is somehow more of a waste of time than the baby one from last time, Tina Burner tells some criminally bad jokes that truly cast doubt on whether or not she’s actually a comedy queen and then Utica went on a walkabout looking like a senile Florence Welch

The fact she managed to make that full floral gown in the same time that Symone and LaLa Ri managed to construct a bad skirt and some pizza shaped nipple pasties is quite impressive

although, hoenstly LaLa Ri and Symone should have won just for the moment LaLa offered Ru a pizza slice

Someone’s coming for Ginny Lemon’s slice.
The winners were Tamisha and Elliott for, I don’t know, mentioning Tiger King a lot and making fun of Carol Baskin who RuPaul seems to have developed some sort of vendetta against

Rosé and Denali continue to exist in the peripheries like the children in a Victorian gothic novel – I imagine they’ll both be sent to boarding school soon enough.

The Disco-mentary

The main challenge this week is for the queens to put on a sort of musical documentary about the history of disco – it’s basically just a dance challenge, the queens don’t have to sing, which in many ways is at least a sweet reprieve for us, can you imagine how much bigger a mess this could have been had they had to sing as well?
Each team were given a different phase of disco to cover:
Tina Burner, Kandy Muse and Gottmik: The Birth of Disco
Tamisha Iman and Elliot: SEX!
Olivia Lux and Utica: Studio 54
Rosé and Denali: Disco & Fashion
Symone and LaLa Ri: Disco Sucks!

It’s a Disco Baby!

This challenge didn’t bode well for this trio at all from the moment RuPaul ambushed them with a Disco Pop Quiz in the Werk Room in which Kandy Muse said her familiarity with Disco was The Pussycat Dolls in 2009

Kandy, for someone that prides themselves on being savvy, you sure don’t know how to schmooze RuPaul.
Although arguably as bad was Tina Burner making the cardinal sin of mixing up Thelma Houston and Amy Stewart – is she not aware of the secret 11th Commandment “Thou Shall Not Mix Upeth Thelma Houston and Amy Stewart” – it’s the 6th Circle of Hell for you Tina Burner – quite apt actually considering it involved being trapped in a flaming tomb for eternity. Kandy might be joining her for barely being able to pass Ru’s Donna Summer Spot the Difference Quiz.

It didn’t go much better for them in the choreography lesson in which literally all they had to do was “do the seatbelt” and Gottmik just couldn’t get the gist of it and seemed to have completely given up on it by the final challenge in which she kind of just skittered about the stage dressed as the most fabulous prisoner of Guantanamo Bay

Not that Kandy or Tina were much better despite them trying to tell us that THIS was good performing

I get that the outfit she’s wearing was very fun and sparkly, but it is now the 7th? orange outfit we’ve seen from her and I’m going to need her to at some point not look like she’s begging for a brand deal from McDonald’s.
While Tina was funking it up like Edna Turnblad, Kandy was completely and utterly lost once again

The queen is clearly not made for a dance challenge and yet I get the feeling somehow production is going to push her to the final, so get ready for that big old end of season production number.

SEX! SEX! SEX!

I cannot think of a worse pairing for this segment than Elliott and Tamisha – they just do not belong together and were very obviously merely trapped in this loveless relationship by virtue of being the scraps left during the pairing process. We didn’t even get to see Ru having a Werk Room chat with them, that’s how doomed this was.

And then just to throw an even bigger wrench into this already jammed piece of clockwork, they decided that best prop was a hula-hoop, the sexiest of the rhythmic gymnastics apparatus.
Elliott, as has been established, is a trained dancer so could at least manage some rhythm. Meanwhile Tamisha has already formed quite the grudge against the inanimate hoopand this only continued into Disco-mentary in which she did some of the most solemn hula-hooping I believe we’ll ever see

We do have to take into account that Tamisha does have to cope with the fact she has an ostomy bag around her waist and has only just recovered from cancer, or if you’re RuPaul can you just not and eliminate her.
While Tamisha looked like she was about to put the hoop into detention, Elliott was doing just fine

Within the context of the challenge, she did great! Within the context of the general concept of movement, it wasn’t anything to write home about but her outfit was at least arguably the most disco of the bunch

Clean the Floor, Studio 54!

These two were made for one another, both of that have the energy and vibe of a toddler who is incredibly proud of the indecipherable finger-painting that they made during their afternoon at nursery. And absolutely nothing brought me greater joy this episode than Olivia teaching Utica how to be shady by insulting Tina Burner

It’s the strongest bond a pair of queens can have!

Olivia alos must have the patience of a saint, first of all she went through the whole Untucked ordeal without making a squeak and then she had to put up with this choreography lesson in which Utica looked like a scarecrow surrendering to a flock of a barbarous crows

meanwhile Olivia is having the time of her life

and Utica naturally ends up on the floor begging for mercy one more

Because the choreography lesson didn’t go stunningly for her, Utica then once again decided to rest entirely on her ability to gurn like she’s at least 1/4 Jim Carrey

and while that would distract from most other queens, Olivia is such a transcendently captivating performer that she manages to hold her own against the wildly transmogriphying clown in the corner.
Utica’s outfit kind of missed the Disco mark for me, she looks more like Daisy Ridley as Ophelia in wildly amazing junk movie Ophelia and her dancing like a goat kind of just sealed the deal

Fashion, Put It All On Me

I am so glad that these two are friends because watching them both simultaneous begin to spiral out of control and into increasing insanity and desperation like two neglected children in a Victorian gothic novel is going to be SPECTACULAR.
Both came came in with super big egos – Rosé is a New York STAR and Denali is a professional ice skater who boasts a CV including cruise ship productions of Saturday Night Fever – which I cannot believe they didn’t have a tape of on hand to roll when she mentioned it. AMETEURS.

they go through the motions with Ru about how trying to be perfect is making them seem unrelatable, immediately cut to Denali asking choreography Miguel Zarate if he wants her kick to fan or to break

An incredible flex given that most of the queens in the cast can barely manage a hot shoe shuffle at the best of times.

They’re main performance was very good but there’s a shark-like determination behind both of their eyes that makes them look like they’re just not having fun with any of this. Also Denali’s outfit was terrible and Rosé’s looked like it had been bought from any number of costume stores stocking the Swedish Band Costume

and considering this was the fashion segment I fully understand why neither of them were in the top.

Disco Sucks!

This segment was the most interesting to me because I truly didn’t know anything about the Disco Sucks movement, and I can’t say the Disco-mentary taught us much more, instead all the context for it comes from RuPaul’s Disco Bedtime Sleepy Hour in which she educates Symone and LaLa Ri on the topic. But at least LaLa and Symone had the decency to admit they knew nothing about Disco and didn’t embarrass themselves on national television by trying to suck up to RuPaul.

They were also having a blast in the choreography session, particular highlights being Symone being told to move from his dick instead of his hips and LaLa Ri thrusting himself ever closer to a dislocated hip

but it was a joy to see LaLa in her element after a week in which she was so far out to sea not even the Coastguard could have saved her

Symone did perfectly fine, she paled a little into the background during the performance, but it is quite hard to outshine LaLa and her constantly flashing crotch

Regardless of whether or not you’re dressed like you’re about to go to a PE class in heaven

that’s the power of LaLa Ri’s crotch.

LBDs

The rainway category this week was Little Black Dresses, which is quite a confining brief and even when Queens tried to go more “out there” we ended up with some conceptual overlaps – and by default we had a lot of very fabulous funeral goers.
It’s a pretty straight forward concept, you wear a little black dress, unless you’re Tina Burner in which case you are contractually obligated to wear to wear red, yellow and orange

BECAUSE HER NAME IS TINA BURNER, LIKE FIRE? DO YOU GET IT? I was bored of this after the catwalk mini challenge, she has no been in 5 episodes and 5 out 9 looks have been the same colour palette – and if I counted her wigs she’d be 9 for 9. Remember when Dusty Ray Bottoms wore dots ONCE and Michelle took issues with it? I can’t believe I’m a Dusty Ray Bottoms apologist all of a sudden.

Tina wasn’t the only going for a painterly effect as Kandy Muse took to the runway in a Commes de Garcons inspired look

I really like this dress, and taking the painted image of Diana’s “revenge dress” and presenting it in a quite punky, edgy way is really cool. Where is all falls apart though is the application of the paint around Kandy’s face which just looks straight up bad

it needed to be more painterly, right now it just looks like she’s had hell of a shift on RuPaul’s oilrig.

And now for the point where everyone competes to have the smallest dress on the runway, not that there was much of a battle considering all Gottmik wore was a funereal sneeze of a dress

It’s certainly an iconic runway moment and I’m just happy that Gottmik is in a headspace to able to do this.
While Gottmik walked away with the shortest dress, LaLa Ri was certainly giving her a run for her money with a dress that consistently rode up while she walked

I don’t entirely understand the choice of necklace, but I suppose it balanced out whatever was going on down below.
Olivia Lux essentially came down in a much more refined version of what LaLa was going for

She just looks phenomenal, it’s simple but effective which *to me* is what the LBD is all about – and the way the beading tied in with her makeup which matched her hair, it’s stunningly cohesive.
The last of our Itsy Bitsy Black Dresses before we go Full Funeral is Symone who attempted to rectify the cursed history of The Hair Dress by wearing a dress made out of braiding hair

And in true Haus of Avalon style she’s wearing a wig inspired by RuPaul’s Back To My Roots music video – we saw GiGi pull a similar trick in the Season 12 finale. I think it’s a very successful dress and I actually hadn’t realised it was hair until she told me, which is for the best. The wig on the other hand, while structurally interesting did look a bit like it could topple at any moment.

With an elimination coming it was apt that a few of the looks looked like they’d sit pride of place amongst the mistresses of a dead rich man. Tamisha would obviously have been his long suffering wife

I like the concept of this dress, making it out of neoprene was a mistake, it’s adding so much bulk to her waist and her front that gave her a really strange profile silhouette

It’s like a very glamorous rendition of the crooked house nursery rhyme.
Elliott was dressed as the dunderhead of his mistresses

I think she looks incredible, the wig is tops, the makeup is stunning what I hated was that she took off the coat and just kind of walked around with it scrunched up in her arm

It kind of destroyed the effortless elegance that she otherwise had on this particular occasion.
Lastly, Denali was dressed as the deceased’s murderer

I want to love this and I think the concept is really cool, I wish it was grander, the cape on the back was a little cartoony and didn’t read as sinisterly as the spider eye reveal did

Every part of the outfit was speaking a different language and it seemed a little jumbled to me.

And now for our miscellaneous category in which Rosé dressed as a throw pillow

She really needs to learn that tulle is not her friend, what exactly did she think this dress was going to do for her? Also, why would you use dusty grey tulle when white would have been a better contrast colour?

And then the most aburd of the lot was Utica in a very impressive look inspired by a pair of earrings she was wearing

It’s pretty damn cool but didn’t read to the judges because they weren’t really in on the joke, but they could have still appreciated it as a look, it’s clearly well put together and thought out. But yes, it would be nice to see her walk down the runway and not pull 300 faces in 30 seconds – it can be rather dizzying.

An LBD Runway Ranking

  1. Olivia Lux Supremacy
  2. Utica’s Earring-a-ding-ding
  3. Denali the Black Widow Spider
  4. Symone’s Hairy Situation
  5. Gottmik’s Little Black Loin Cloth
  6. Elliott’s Very Nice Coat
  7. Kandy the Glamorous Mining Incident
  8. Rosé the Throw Pillow
  9. Tamisha Iman’s Crooked Black Dress
  10. LaLa Ri’s Peeping Crotch
  11. Tina Burner Do Something Different Challenge

After the runways and main challenge the top queens are Olivia, Tina Burner and Elliott. I personally am ASTONISHED that Tina Burner was put anywhere near the top of this leaderboard – she danced like animatronic John Travolta and her runway missed the mark and made no sense. For me, the top were honestly Olivia, LaLa and Denali.
The bottoms were more agreeable with Kandy, Tamisha and Utica being there – I still think it probably should have been Gottmik or Tina in the bottom, I’m still trying to get over them saying that Tina did a good job in the dance number.
Of course, Denali takes being just safe very well

IT’S BEGINNING.

Olivia is declared the winner – it was the only option. And at least we get a swift closure to the ~drama~ as Kandy and Tamisha find themselves having to lipsync against one another.

Hittin’ Each Other Up

Tamisha and Kandy have to lipsync to Hit ‘Em up Style by Blue Cantrell and it was a perfectly fine lipsync, nothing about it was awful and I was worried given that Tamisha started off by playing some sort of air instrument

but she served us a solid, very classic feeling drag lipsync but had no real flare to it beyond the fact she managed to remember the words, meanwhile Kandy is giving you all of the melodramatic rage that you want from a lipsync

She does one of the Drag Race favourites and mounts the Alyssa Edwards Dance Corner

and then about halfway through the routine she just lies down on the floor like Snoopy lies on his doghouse and has a bit of an existential crisis I imagine

A lipsync is a lot to cope with!

For the briefest of moments I thought Ru was going to preserve this drama for a little longer and do a double save and then I remembered that they had only eliminated 2 queens so far despite this being episode 6 and so they really did have to start cutting them real snappily and thus Tamisha Iman is sent home

So I imagine the Kandy vs Elliott drama will now take centre stage.

And so 10 queens remain

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