Same, babe.

I’ll tell you where you can stick those 2kg balls of wool…

Giving Aran For Your Money

It’s Reduce, Reuse, Recycle Week on Tom Daley’s Cannibal Farm

and for absolutely NO REASON for some reason they’ve decided to start with the Team Challenge. I mean, there is obviously a reason. If they’d done the Solo Knit first, everyone would have a pretty good understanding of who was going home and if they did the team challenge first they could force as much drama over getting everyone to quibble about how much work they’d put in to their two person collaboration

they play this same soundbite of Lydia saying that Holger might be a designer but at least she’s a faster knitter TWICE in 4 minutes making her sound bitter and insane, which I don’t think is the case (towards Holger at least, if she harbours any ill-will towards the show, rest assured Diva, I AM BEHIND YOU!)

it’s like contestants on The Apprentice trying to argue themselves out of being fired because they think their contribution of cutting up 15kgs of onions was worth more than whoever it was telling some beleaguered recent graphic design graduate to draw the wave of sewage water doing a yoga pose

I cannot tell you how much I DO NOT CARE if Lydia knitted 5 godets and Holger did 1, at the end of the day both of them came together to dress the high priestess of a cult dedicated to Shelley Duvall

I am OBSESSED with this dress. I think it’s so chic and interesting and you can tell it was made by someone who’s an experienced designer in Holger, who did a wonderful job of being the attitude coach for their model

while Ailsa and Isaac stood in the corner looking like this next to their dress that looked like someone had drawn a jumper with their eyes closed

but Lydia’s and Holger’s dress does also kind of live or die by the quality of those sleeves to contrast against the dress and that seemed to be mostly Lydia’s work in creating a cuff to pull in the volume to give that bishop sleeve effect. It was a great collaborative effort that seemed to go much smoother than the show was letting it on to have gone.

I’m sure that smooth sailing for Holger and Lydia was also helped by the fact it was a challenge almost designed for them to be good at. Isaac however was checking out the moment he found out that they were going to have to make a dress

the only moment of joy he experienced all episode was when he got to operate the unraveller like a fidget spinner

the problem with this challenge is that it is such a specific set of skills required – it’s not *just* knitting, you need both sewing and design experience. I personally wouldn’t have come into a KNITTING competition and expected to be confronted by a challenge that was basically just sewing, LET’S BE REAL. But I also wouldn’t have expected to be crocheting for 85% of a knitting competition but here we are.

Isaac and Ailsa were so far on a back footing and you could see them getting ever more despondent every time they looked up from their salsa dancing cricket player costume to see Holger and Lydia having a vague semblance of fun

and it really shows in the final dress that just looks a bit like someone being slowly consumed by a horde of ravenous bath mats

I’m also going to cast doubt on how much of a blind judging this is. They REALLY zeroed in on Isaac’s contributions, which was the ribbed collar and the corseted back piece

both of which are BY FAR the best parts of the entire thing. And Ailsa did… 1 and a half skirts? I know I literally just wrote about how much I don’t care about individual contributions in the this task because KNITTING IS NOT A CONTACT SPORT, MIMI IMFURST. But if the show is going to insist it matters, it’s a bit suspicious when they nitpick specific pieces that honestly didn’t need to be nitpicked this hard

the entire judging process felt less of celebration of the EFFORT of the knitters and more about Di and Sheila flexing how much they know about designer and couture runways

ma’am. You’re talking to a guy with an anxiety disorder and a woman who just wants to make jumpers you can buy your mum for Christmas. Please adjust your expectations accordingly.

An Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area

For their solo challenge the contestants were all having to make bags. The recycling twist being that they had to make them out of some sort of repurposed materials – the creation of which also had to be done within the time limit. Personally, I think they should’ve been allowed to do at least half of it at home because it does end up hampering the creativity of some of the bags – Ailsa’s is literally just… a bag?

it is the barest minimum bag-shaped bag I’ve ever seen and she’s lucky that Di and Sheila were really able to gas up the circle of life of a pair of gym leggings AND that Isaac didn’t finish his humbug inspired bag

I admire Isaac’s ambition, but you did not have to be a knitting scientist to have known he would not be able to make his own yarn material, insert a zip AND create the lace wrapper that he’d intended to really sell the humbug shape

it’s really unfortunate because it was based on a lace pattern that his grandmother had been working on and would’ve been a really lovely tribute.

Lydia had made things quite difficult for herself with her choice of repurposed waxprint, a material with no stretch in it

but I appreciate the risk because the bag was really vibrant and fun, the knittedness does somewhat get lost in the business of the print but Di and Sheila were fine with that

but the true standout was Holger with his scalloped festival bag made out of repurposed t-shirts

you knew it was going to go down well with Di specifically because we know how much she loves a crocheted button and a superfluous tassel

I’m going to take three deep breaths and try to forget about the styling of Di Gilpin specifically for this show because it annoys me so much.

Part of the reason it’s taken me so long to get around to this recap is that it did feel like it could’ve been an email. I could’ve told you 5 weeks ago that the final 3 was going to be Lydia, Holger and Ailsa. I do wish Isaac could’ve gone out having completed his project but alas we live in a cruel and unforgiving knitted universe

on the bright side, he’s free! RUN, ISAAC, RUN!