To be fair to Jade, it’s a pretty good topographical map of the Wakefield area.

I marked myself as “Safe from the events of the Glow Up finale” on Facebook.

Dopamine Scandal

In true Glow Up style, we’re Just Doing Things™ with the MUAs being taken to the flagship UK branch of Sephora, where they would be giving Makeup Masterclasses to Michael Marouli and nobody sitting behind her because they were seeing jack shit over this wig

they would also meet this week’s guest judge at Sephora – Danessa Myricks who I can’t say I’ve ever heard, I guess because I’m not even contemplating spending £50 on a 6 pan eyeshadow palette

I have been lying awake for the last two days pondering the questions “Is there a difference between Danessa-Myricks-lowercase and Danessa-Myricks-SHOUTY-CAPSLOCK?” But also the heat. My brain is soup and no two parts of my body are allowed to touch – I sit like this now

Danessa seems lovely I enjoyed the sort of Hunger Games stylist vibe she has going on

despite the MUAs having been driven at God-knows-what-time to Sephora, the location of their Masterclasses, to meet fully glammed up Danessa Myricks, everyone would be getting back on that mini van and driven back to the studio they use for the Creative Briefs to do their Creative Briefs first. I adore this show and its commitment to being as inconvenient as possible.

The theme for the Creative Brief was Dopamine and putting the Creative Brief first would ultimately be a blessing because I do not think I could have coped with Jade crashing out like the average SpaceX Starship on the final challenge

DEPLOY SERIOUS-FACE THERAPIST LEOMIE!

I’ve seen the videos of men watching American Football punching their TVs because their team didn’t score a touchdown and I’ve always thought “How could you possibly react like that? It’s just a game.” AND NOW I UNDERSTAND

the important thing in this situation is that Jade knows it’s bad, she’s not a delusional queen – although I don’t think anyone could convince themself this was a good look with their model sitting there looking like this

I’d be slightly miserable too if I got invited to be a model for the final of Glow expecting to be turned into some sort of fantastical creature and got turned into Drizzile failing to help you pack away the Christmas lights

the absolute dearth of dopamine in this dopamine inspired look is really quite something – perfectly illustrated by the cut from Cherise having the time of her life doodling a Lisa Frank jellyfish to Jade contemplating the best way to vacate her own body as she did everything in power not to look at the bowl of synoptic chart spaghetti she was creating

which would have been my favourite moment of this Final Destination Premonition scene Jade found herself trapped within had it not been for Danessa being deployed to go and find out quite what the hell Jade was doing and doing this look to camera as Jade explained the concept behind her neural network makeup

Jade, you wouldn’t be a Blog Favourite if your run on the show didn’t end in mild disaster – it’s a long running tradition. You are and always will be, My Favourite. Welcome to The Blog Fav Graveyard, we’ve got a small deposit of internet clout and a high propensity for accidentally spreading false information about reality TV contestants who have(n’t) died.

So now that we’re over the speed bump in the road that we call Jade lying down to die, on to Cherise! Her look was a Jellyfish, which is cool because I too think I’d be a lot happier if I didn’t have any bones and lived 7km below the ocean

there’s a lot to like about this look, and not just Val playing a game of Marine Life Guess Who?

I think a therapist would have a field day with Val Garland doing a Rorschach Test if she somehow saw a lobster at any point in this makeup. The strength of Cherise’s look is very much the blend of the colours – they are VERY pretty. I’m not entirely sure the look shows off her linework to the level some of her other looks do, and I think this look could have afforded a 3D element or prosthetic of some kind because I’m not sure her model’s face was a big enough canvas for this idea? But also, we saw Jade throwing prosthetic spaghetti at the wall and we know how that turned out

is it possible to have this man canonised? I think he deserves it, as a treat.

Lastly we have Jake who was running with the narrative that “I haven’t shown my love for horror yet.” ???????

umm, Sir. Three weeks ago you were asked to stop doing monster makeup? Because you’d done sharp, pointy people eating teeth for the third time? However, Jake was at least breaking out a truly wretch-worthy amount of fake blood to coat his gloopy little fledgling demon in

He very much blew this challenge out of the water – it’s a truly phenomenally executed makeup and came with the personal touch of being about the happiness he got from the first time he put himself in monster drag. And so I can’t really blame Jade for having to leave the room as Cherise went to fawn of Jake’s makeup

because she’d come to the crushing realisation that maybe “I have to mentally disconnect from the world to truly enjoy Love Island” is maybe not the strongest concept for a look

nothing but respect for my No Thoughts, Head Empty Queen!

Jake was the very clear winner and for his prize he got a Masterclass with Danessa Myricks ahead of showcasing his own masterclass to Danessa Myricks and Michael Marouli’s Obfuscation Wig. He was probably the one most in need of this one-on-one prize too because he looked like he was going to vomit any time someone said the word “masterclass”

You knew Jade was going to be fine because she can yap for Britain and Cherise has the vibe of someone who’s always just 1 mild inconvenience away from performing a TEDTalk.

A Dopamine Inspired Look Ranking:
1. Jake’s Littlest Monster
2. Cherise’s Boneless Bliss
3. The 17 bullet points in my notes that are just “JADE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

The Student Become The Masterclass

I don’t really know how to write about the Masterclasses in a way that is interesting or entertaining. I will do my best, but it is mostly just the MUAs talking very factually about makeup. Or Jade doing her 5 minutes at the open mic night down at The Red Lion on the third Friday of every month

absolutely obsessed with her and the fact they sent her out first ahead of Cherise being a little dry and very university master’s student coded and Jake being so nervous that you didn’t know if he’d get through the whole masterclass before he dissolved into an anxious ether like a raccoon trying to wash candyfloss

the theme of Jade’s Wembley Arena Show 2026 (tickets on sale now!) was doing a glam eye on mature skin and making sure she wouldn’t be invited to the next family dinner

I just love that her dad came to this AND asked her a question at the end – what a guy

Juno Dawson, your silence was deafening

the audiences for these Masterclasses are always insane and they never make the most of the celebrity and industry guests they have there anymore because for some reason they don’t do the whole “so-and-so offered you this opportunity!” which they kind of phased out after that series where Dolli, the obvious third place contestant, swept the board and ended up booking significantly more opportunities than the other two finalists battling it out for the win. I truly think Jade would have done something similar – she had the entire audience eating out of the palm of her hand and I can see her having exactly the sort of glittering career as a celebrity makeup artist she wants and deserves because she’s got the charm and energy that people just gravitate towards.

Cherise’s masterclass was all about Symmetry, which you know was a risky choice because they did a wonderful shot of this absolute diva doing the most dramatic gay-gasp you’ve ever seen (I’m sure I’m probably meant to know who this is but… I am sorry to this man.)

and for the most part it was going really well! She sounded confident, she looked like she knew what she was doing and then the look lost a fraction of symmetry on the under eye

I truly don’t think it’s that noticeable and I think most makeup artists would have also just rolled with it so I don’t really blame Cherise for rolling with it. Plus, her model looks BLOODY GOOD with that makeup. I have no worries for Cherise after the show, I think she’ll be able to book editorial and photoshoot gigs without breaking a sweat. She’s easily one of the most professional seeming MUAs the show’s ever had – to the point where I often began to wonder if she needed the show, or if the show needed her.

Lastly we have Jake who was by far the most nervous going in and had a little bit of a moment before stepping out

but ultimately got there with his Masterclass for A Glowing Eyeliner Look Inspired By Natural Forms Things Like Lightning, Things Like Moss (working title). Mostly it was about how to create a luminous effect using only matte products – which credit it to him, is something we’ve not already had a Masterclass about on Glow Up

and he was very nervous towards the beginning but he did get there in end and certainly found his footing once the got his bobby pin out

which you knew was A Moment™ because the cuts to the audience went from everyone looking like they were pondering what to have for tea this evening

to looking at Jake like they were Jane Goodall observing chimpanzees using a tool for the first time

It was a very good Masterclass that ultimately allowed Jake to really sell his unique point of view which is really what you need to do when you want to do into the world of special effects makeup.

I was going to be happy regardless who won. It was a very good lineup of finalists – probably my favourite trio on the show’s history to be honest. Certainly the most varied with all of them aiming for different fields of the industry. Even with a case for all of them to win (Jade, I have started my 7 years of lawyer training, I will defend you, we can make this work) the win did very fairly and deservedly go to Jake

I’m also glad he got it, because Jade and Cherise both sound like they’re going to step off the back of this show and go straight into work. Jake felt like he needed that little leg up and boost to his profile – he put his life on hold to care for someone else and he very much deserved the universe to align for him like this. Also his nan’s reaction:

we were all secretly Team Janet all along.

And that’s it! We have our Series 7 winner!