Clearly it was a Say Something Hat Day.
I eagerly await the Grammy’s to award Jaida Essence Hall with a lifetime achievement award at the 2024 Grammy’s.
Stars in Their Eyes
As was sure to happen, Raja gave her star away to Yvie Oddly meaning everyone now has a star – whether it be by merit or charity. However, Jinkx was going to have to think about it a little more carefully because whoever she gave a star to would join her in having 2, but she also had to take into account the fact that a few of the queens have helped her a little bit and it’s not the best look to not repay in kind… But instead of thanking Trinity, she handed Jaida a second star
I think it was quite savvy – I love Jaida but she’s very hit or miss with her challenge successes so ultimately she’s marginally less of a threat than the others who have very distinct strengths.
Throwing It Back
This week’s Maxi Challenge was for the queens to write and record a pair of songs inspired by 90s girl groups for a TRL-style performance. They were being split into two groups, with the queens having to decide on who their quartets would be, and in order to do it as diplomatically as possible, Monet immediately proposed the King Solomon Method of splitting the lineup in half meaning one team would be Monet, Shea, Trinity and Raja while the other was Jaida, The Vivienne, Yvie and Jinkx.
However peace did not last because The British were coming and The Vivienne had issues with being made to feel like “the other girls” – imaginably both because Monet and Shea were on the same team again after being the top two in the first performance challenge and because a producer promised her VENGEANCE against Jinkx if she threw an at least partially convincing strop – because Lord knows nobody was putting their heart into creating drama during the choreography sessions!
None of it ended up mattering even SLIGHTLY because the groups just ended up as they were and everyone very promptly forgot about the whole ordeal. It was very Bosco vs Camden: The Abridged Version.
I am obsessed with the fact they took the junior school approach of making their group name out of their initials and M.S.T.R. really does sound like it could be a group from the 90s forever immortalised only in a few cassettes kicking around a flea market. I did think they were going to make a little more of the general idea that they were a group that just lost a group member, but that idea seemed to have been chucked overboard by the end of it, although I was a little bit relieved that they didn’t have an overly comedic tone to their performance considering the other team just went Full Chaos, and I really loved their choreography because it felt like it had been cribbed from a small stage TRL performance
Although Trinity was still playing it comedically with her Justin Timberlake obsessed character (India Ferrah found gutted and rotted)
and then I’m not sure how much of Raja’s performance was a character choice and how much of it was just Raja wanting to do the bare minimum – Raja hates any challenge that requires her to stand up for more than 5 minutes and I fully respect that.
This performance definitely belonged to Shea and Monet who were giving me every bit of the 90s girl group fantasy that I wanted and both of them looked PHENOMENAL while doing it
the fact Monet doesn’t actually pad is so funny to me, she should be the envy of every queen going, I MEAN DAMN.
I really loved their verses too, Monet will always deliver in a songwriting challenge and I thought she managed to keep her 90s references fun and clever – I do think they got the much stronger song though, or at least I loved the pre-written choruses and have been singing them all weekend
-You remind me of that old woman
-You dropped your diamond in the ocean
-First you painted me like that French bitch
-Then you threw me overboard
How could I not?
The Other Girls
And now for a Series of Unfortunate Choices™, maybe I’m alone in really hating this performance but I just felt like it got a little too messy, which I realise was the point but I do think there were ways to do it that didn’t feel like I was watching a fight scene from STARK: A Very Avengers Musical. I did really like the premise that they were the girls from former girl groups teaming up to get their own back though. I just wish they had maybe run with that theme a little more obviously – honestly if Jinkx had come out and done her verse in the style of The Andrews Sisters doing Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy I might have found her whole “The Old One” schtick a little bit funnier and less generic. But I’m mostly mad that Jaida, having been handed the perfect opportunity to immortalise Poor Michelle on Drag Race, instead went with… diarrhoea
and the fact Michelle had the AUDACITY to vibe to a verse about Jaida having the shits
after she just about called for Rock M. Sakura’s instant elimination for making one (1) fart joke
Rock was done dirty throughout her 4 episode run on Season 12 and I will never stop being mad on her behalf for it.
I am curious to know how The Vivienne’s I’m Here, I’m British, Get Used To It narrative is going down with American viewers because I’m pretty tired of it by this point. I just think she could have taken her idea of being The British Girl™ in the band in a much more interesting direction by making overly specific references that anyone outside of The UK probably wouldn’t understand – but instead we got Bangers and Mash, “my double decker puss??????” and foreskins which I wasn’t aware were a British stereotype? I think I wanted more of a Cheryl Cole pastiche and what I got was a distinct lack of a reference point – and I wonder if they were told they couldn’t be too obvious with their characters, we do be knowing that Drag Race has terrible rights lawyers so it wouldn’t surprise me.
Yvie was swinging the biggest with her robotic character, which I think would have played much better if the others weren’t performing like an improv troupe that lost control of the scene and I think we could have done with some sort of a reveal, obviously she hadn’t come into the series prepared with a robotic Lisa “Left eyes” Lopes look but production could have thrown a couple of loose wires her way – it’s a TV production, there’s a whole drawer of them somewhere!
although I do love that Yvie “malfunctioning” choreography was essentially the same as Raja doing the bare minimum.
I just didn’t vibe as much with this performance as the judges clearly did, so maybe it played better when you could take the whole thing in as one scene rather than through the editor losing their mind over how to get the necessary coverage to show both Jaida shitting herself, Jinkx breaking a hip, Yvie malfunctioning AND The Vivienne’s peekaboo nipples
they got more screen time than Raja.
Good Golly Miss Dolly
I guess not even the All Winners season is safe from the Night of 1000 [Insert Icon Here] themes with this week’s runway being the Night of 1000 Dolly Partons, which was a weird choice given the fact the entire challenge was themed around the 90s AND BRITNEY WAS RIGHT THERE. I’m also not sure that someone like Dolly Parton is the best choice because her looks aren’t very diverse and so everyone kind of just showed up in a short sparkly dress, a very well beheaved bosom and some wigs that Dolly could quite frankly sue for defamation over.
It probably didn’t do most of the queens any favours that Monet kicked off the runway in the most interesting look, looking every bit the image of what Maddy Morphosis thought she was serving
the dress is a little overwhelming and I think could have done with a scooch less fabric or she probably could have made better use of the slit. I did like her makeup though and she looked about as much like Dolly as Monet Xchange ever could
the wig is however giving me more Mrs. Claus than it is Dolly Parton and I know the necklace is hiding the edge of the breastplate but I wish she had managed to find something that went a little more with the outfit – my newest pet peeve is queens throwing on an opera necklace and calling it quits.
And now we get into the slightly repetitive Dolly territory with Trinity who absolutely nailed the outfit and silhouette
and her wig had that distinctly Dolly-ish texture where it’s kind of a stringy Farrah Fawcett blowout but the makeup…
what did Dolly do to hurt her? I’m going to guess she started overlining her lips and in a bid for symmetry kind of just kept pushing them further and further until she ended up with Dolly Parton by way of Jeff The Killer. But that does not explain why she did her eyes like she was drawing hieroglyphics.
Shea did what I wish more people would do with these challenge and tried to reimagine a Dolly Parton look in her own personal style, or that was what she insisted was happening, I just don’t know if I associate “rootin’, tootin’ biker gang” with Shea Coulee
I just wish the chaps fit ever so slightly better and the whole thing looked a bit less like she cobbled it together at the last minute because she had clearly prioritised negotiating with the Valentino Archivists (and who could blame her) BUT MA’AM THIS WIG
a criminal offense – it’s like Beethoven and Manila Luzon’s Jersey Justice character had a baby
I hope she sends Dolly a basket of apology muffins for this.
Raja I think definitely had my favourite outfit – the beadwork is absolutely exquisite and the whole thing very much feels like it came straight out of Dolly Parton’s wardrobe
the wig isn’t very Dolly and feels very much like it might be a remnant of a Lady Bunny Snatch Game character and while I think the makeup is VERY Dolly Parton, she really nailed the shape of the eyeshadow, the slightly over powdered under eyes do make her look a bit like one of the characters from A Bug’s Life
it probably doesn’t help anyone’s makeup given that The Vivienne just became Dolly Parton
and thank God she had a decent enough outfit to pair it along with
and the necklace matches it without making it look like she’s a decapitated head trying to attend a turn of the century production of Carmen.
Jaida had the tough job of following The Vivienne and, well, I like the outfit and yellow looks phenomenal on her
I think a necklace would’ve made it slightly more Dolly but I also respect the fact Jaida was definitely going to get her money out of this breastplate and make sure everyone knew how much it jiggled. She also absolutely just plonked the only white wig she owns onto her hair and called it quits.
Jinkx went with the most vintage Dolly look and I think she looked pretty great if a little bit like SNL’s Chicken Lady
and then of course there was the fact she walked the runway looking like Dolly doing a Baga Chipz impersonation
somewhere there’s an alternate universe where Baga Chipz was a part of this All Winners cast and I think we should all take a minute to be thankful for the small mercies in our lives.
And lastly we have Yvie who made no attempt to hide how much she hated this prompt and I can only imagine the fear that Dolly Parton might be a guest judge is the one reason she played this *fairly* normally
she looks really cute in the romper, her gangliness gives it a real charm but if this were a regular season the judges would have started their “we just wanna see some glamour” nonsense by now because this has a distinct flavour of her Vanna White cop-out.
A Night of 1000 Dolly Partons Runway Ranking
- Dolly Parton’s Evil British Twin
- Dolly Parton’s Technicoloured Dreamcoat
- Lady Dolly
- Swedish Cult Dolly
- Creepy Pasta Dolly Parton
- Dolly Oddly
- Jaida Looking Good In Yellow
- Dolly Parton’s Biker Gang Era
Personally, my top two were Shea and Monet, I absolutely think Monet should have been lipsyncing, I can see why Shea might have been penalised by her runway outfit but she was SO GOOD in the challenge! But seeing as it was a Dolly song in the lipsync, they kind of had to make the most of the fact The Vivienne literally looked like Dolly Parton, and so Tove Lo had apparently come dressed as a rugby playing Smorgastarta FOR NOTHING
I’m more confused by the lack of a Disco Tits lipsync than I am about the fact she badly glued a styrofoam mayonnaise cake to a crash helmet. Disco Tits certainly would have suited Yvie a lot better as she finds herself going from no stars to 2 stars in a single episode.
Why’d You Have To Do Me Like This?
Dolly Parton was clearly very far from what Yvie would ideally want to be lipsyncing to and while I don’t think she quite got dealt the cocked hand that Kennedy Davenport got with Reba’s Fancy in All Stars 5, there wasn’t a great deal of room for her to do her Yvie Oddly thing aside from a pretty impressive heel click
but truly there was no competing with The Vivienne as Actual Dolly Parton who gave a really cute performance that wasn’t anything hugely special but she looked the part and delivered a performance that I would expect from a Dolly Parton impersonator and she very deservedly won, because RuPaul does owe her some prize money
which of course means she gets to block someone and chose to continue her tit-for-tat feud with Jinkx by blocking her
now, had she thought about this for more than 10 seconds she would have realised that we’ve had 3 comedy challenges, 2 performance challenges and only 1 design challenge which means that pretty obviously the next challenge would be a design challenge or maybe some sort of acting challenge and the person to block would ABSOLUTELY have been Jaida or Trinity to cover both those bases. I’m going to need a little more critical thinking from the girls.
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