The cancellation of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina hit Kiernan Shipka pretty hard.
How anxious do you think production was as they filmed this entire season just as everyone moaned about how bad the format for the Season 13 opening episode was? Bricks were SHAT.
Is there is a single soul on this green earth that was shocked that The Game Within a Game Within a Game Within a Chinese Puzzle Box Within a Cursed Pyramid was a series of lipsyncs? I doubt it, but I think we might have all be surprised by how enjoyable the proceedings were? Or it at least certainly outshone the Season 13 Lipsync-a-thon like a supernova next to a sputtering matchstick, mostly thanks to one Silky Nutmeg Ganache and her Mary Poppins Cleavage.
Because the episode was 8 lipsyncs long (drink every time Carson had to say “Find out the results when the Lipsyncapalooza returns!”) the 4 queens still in the competition didn’t have much to do but sit in the Werk Room watching the events unfold while Ra’Jah looked increasingly insane because she still had her full purple beat on
God bless the dedication.
A Ponytail Punch-up
We of course start with the first two queens to be eliminated – I still think it’s a travesty that Jiggly went out second so it was nice to see again, especially looking like a Mortal Kombat character
Still waiting on that good Drag Queen arcade fighting game.
And Serena looked good too, rocking yet another large dress-coat
You’ll be shocked to know there was a reveal.
And with Serena still being introduced as “wig mogul” – which is deathly funny after the A’keria Wig Drama on Instagram as the season began – her ponytail wig was GOOD
so it’s nice to see she can do good wigs for herself AND NOBODY ELSE, I’m still choosing to believe that was nothing but cold-blooded sabotage.
Their lipsync song was Free Your Mind by En Vogue, which is a God Tier lipsync song and both of them really delivered! I think Jiggly got the tone of the song much better than Serena did but God did I appreciate this particular interlude
it’s like a mime on a space hopper.
But really it’s hard to contend with Jiggly Caliente’s lethal abilities with a ponytail
and inevitably it’s Jiggly who advances to the next lipsync, but we can all thank Serena ChaCha for showing us her tremendous core routine
Kameron Michaels found QUAKING.
Jiggly Caliente vs A Bartender
And this is where things become VERY interesting… As Silky Nutmeg Ganache joins the proceedings looking rather dishy in a leopard print dress
and I will never not find it incredible how beautiful Silky ends up looking on the runway considering throughout the Werk Room footage she always looks like this
WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT?
and this sort of vampy 30s style hair and makeup really, REALLY suits her!
And Jiggly in true drag synergy also showed up wearing leopard print
I don’t think the outfit is much to write home about, it’s a good performance outfit but THE HAIR
it’s a serve and a half!
They lipsynced to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper and boy did they have a lot of fun – Jiggly tried valiantly to make a lollipop into a significant enough prop
but she was very quickly eclipsed by Silky taking an entire liqueur cabinet out from within her cleavage
if Serena ChaCha miming a space hopper is the funniest thing to happen on the Drag Race Main Stage, then Silky mixing her own cocktail using only non-branded water bottles and a jiffy bag full of ice cubes (THAT SOMEHOW HADN’T MELTED?) might single-handedly be the most iconic thing. It was truly a lipsync like no other and Silky very much deserved her win, as sad as I am to lose Jiggly Caliente all over again.
And so the Silky Nutmeg Ganache Variety Hour begins.
Silky Nutmeg Ganache vs Yara Sofia’s Blue Contact Lenses
Yara was the next queen to try taking on the megalith that is Silky’s Boobs-o’-Tricks and showed up looking like she was dressed as Slutty White Walker Heather Chandler
So there’s the irrelevant media reference for the recap.
I could not have told you what song they were going to do because Yara looked ready to go full 90s sex pop on us and Silky showed up looking ready for a rave under the nearest motorway bridge
and wearing a voluminous dress with a massive zipper down the front
and sure enough it was a reveal, giving way to a sort of 4th of the July rodeo clown outfit with strangely elegant sleeves
if Silky does anything, she at least keeps you guessing because you never know what it going to be under whatever duvet she first walks out in.
It was also pretty obvious that Silky was going to be declared the winner given that Yara did have a reveal and they did not bother showing a single second of it with Yara just suddenly being increasingly more naked
meanwhile Silky gets her full reveal shown and pours a de-branded bottle of water over herself?
if anything it’s just a testament to the power of whatever setting spray she used that evening because NOTHING is budging. Meanwhile Yara at this point is just on her back furiously scratching her taint for some reason
and naturally the whole lipsync culminates in a Dead Cockroach War
it’s astonishing how often this seems to happen in lipsyncs.
I think Silky had mostly won this before it had even started, Ru was eating out of the palm of her hand the moment she swanned down that runway and sure enough she takes her second win of the night while Yara has to rapidly try to think of a sign-off line while also trying not to slip on the puddle of water that Silky left behind – she’s a floormanager’s worst nightmare!
Silky Nutmeg Ganache Steamrolling Scarlet Envy
Scarlet’s lipsyncing history is dubious – her credentials mostly being Didn’t Fall Off the Stage During the Insane Six-way Lipsync and Losing To Ra’Jah Despite Having Scissors On Stage and she’s not particularly known for her abilities to bust a move, so I was VERY concerned when she came out in a killer pair of heels
killer both as in, amazing and absolutely convinced she was about to snap an ankle trying so much as a high kick.
She does look incredible though, like where is this version of Catwoman?
I feel like having Anne Hathaway’s version means we’re owed Drag Queen Selina Kyle – sorry to put Anne on blast.
Sadly with the shoes Scarlet had kind of Charlie Hides’d herself and she couldn’t move with a great deal of speed making her whole lipsync look just that little bit laboured – she did at least manage to move across the stage – she wasn’t exactlysuffering from a broken rib, diarrhoea or a lack of sushi or whatever excuse Charlie came up with for being completely static.
Meanwhile Silky just looked radiant while bedecked in a flight of stage-friendly butterflies
This is hands down my favourite Silky look, she looks BEAUTIFUL and it certainly makes up for the fact she was wearing a pair of bedazzled potatoes on her feat
which at least gave her more mobility and allowed her to really go ham on the flag twirling towards the end of the lipsync
I’m not sure this colorguard moment was as gag-worthy as everyone made it out to be but it was very fun to watch Silky live her best life and the jeopardy of whether or not she was about to take Scarlet’s eye out is the most tense I’ve been all season.
As a whole this was probably the weakest lipsync of the bunch, Cher’s music is very hit or miss for lipsyncs and I think this was just the wrong setting for it. Silky’s win was deserved but it was a little heart-breaking to see Scarlet having her own Jan Moment
get it printed on a bathrobe Scarlet, it’s 2021, you have to monetize your pain.
Silky Nutmeg Ganache vs Silky Nutmeg Ganache
And so we come to the best 6 minutes of the season, right from the moment Silky hit that stage dressed like she was wearing the traditional mourning garb of Omicron Persei 8, I knew we were in for something special
and then we get to the meat of the drama as A’keria pulls one hell of a power move and decides that, nah, she doesn’t want any part of these overly produced lipsync shenanigans, and I imagine at least part of this stank face was because she was told she’d have to prepare a lipsync to Barbie Girl by Aqua
it doesn’t strike me as the most A’keria performance song in the world, although I have no doubt in my mind that she could have turned something out, whether it was as good as Silky’s self-duet will never be seen though.
With A’keria noping out of there before this all began, Silky was granted an instant pass to the next round, however Silky being Silky (and because she had a truly iconic performance lined up) insisted that they let her lipsync by herself – which did recently happen on Drag Race España to much less fun results as Inti eliminated themself from the competition because the judges were a little bit mean about the shoes they wore and thus left Dovima Nurmi to mostly just walk around the stage looking like a lost model at a Jean Paul Gaultier fashion show – what I’m saying is Inti would have slaughtered her if they so much as put an iota of effort into it. Honestly España brought so much lipsync drama, it was worth it just for that.
Of course Silky had a gimmick lined up and it was of course a self-duet as she had halved herself into a female and a wildly thrusting male part
and proceeded to produce one of the most thoroughly entertaining lipsyncs we’ve had on the show as she rolled down the runway singing both parts
and RuPaul (and I imagine the entire world) lost her damn mind
I cannot believe that Silky Nutmeg Ganache won All Stars 6.
Jan Having Another Existential Crisis
My favourite part of this particular showdown? It has to be Jan’s voiceover saying “I’m thrilled to be back for a second chance!” over a shot of her walking down the runway looking like she’s having another of her soon to be trademarked existential crises
What is brand can never die.
And Jan looked really good, I think I much prefer this slightly more mature and darker look on her, it somehow matches her energy much better, and who doesn’t love a swishy cape?
and speaking of capes, Silky showed up having rendered shower loofahs completely extinct
and once again it was fairly obvious where this was going the moment Silky just completely and literally eclipsed Jan
sensing a losing game, Jan knew she had to pull out all the stops and went completely JAN SMASH! on us as she powerslid down the runway and managing to take out two strips of lights and ditch her wig
I imagine they’ll add the $200 on to her hotel bill.
They were of course lipsyncing to Heartbreaker by Pat Benatar which did call for them to… “rock out”… a vibe that doesn’t come particularly naturally to Jan and she did look a lot like Lea Michele any time they made her sing anything harder than Journey
the pit trap of the song, and many rock songs, is of course the guitar solo and if Yuhua Hamasaki and The Vixen taught us anything it’s NO AIR INSTRUMENTS EVER, an unwritten rule that Jan broke. Meanwhile Silky had the foresight to… make her own guitar out of cardboard that she just left lying on the stage behind her
She had a lot of time in her hotel room, ok? I wonder if she’s free to host Blue Peter?
So it was very funny to see Jan pretending to play the guitar while Silky paraded around with a child’s craft project
and then she just flung it off the stage at the end
which unearthed some long buried memories of The Legend of Sailcat
so there’s another irrelevant media reference for you, don’t so I don’t keep you well fed.
I would have said Jan had maybe won this in the first half but really the moment Silky picked up that flaccid guitar, Jan’s presence on the stage was completely null and void and so Silky advanced on to face Pandora Boxx, I wonder how that’s gonna go…
I’m Shocked Pandora Showed Up To Be Honest
God bless Pandora, at least she got to show us this wig
This 100% what she would have worn to be crowned in, right? Because she had to know she stood NO CHANCE of winning in an Ariana Grande lipsync against anybody. Least of all Silky on a 5 week winning streak, the only thing really going against being that her outfit appeared to be swallowing itself
and the fact Silky decided that now was the time to pull out one of her tried and tested backflops
and then proceeded to spend a large amount of the rest of the lipsync just rolling around in the background like me being forced to do gymnastics in Year 7
She truly is a queen of the people.
It is of course a loss for Pandora and Silky moves on to the final battle against Eureka.
Jumpsuits At Dawn
So we’re down to the final lipsync and either Silky jumps from Week 3 to the final or we just go back to the original top 5 – at this point just give it to Silky for the shits and giggles of it all but we also know that Eureka can dish out one hell of a lipsync so it was quite a tense showdown.
Naturally, Silky showed up to the proceedings wearing what I can only describe as an inflatable jumpsuit or one of Dexter’s less well disposed of bodies
with her plan being to tell the story of her mother’s weight loss through narrative dance to Kelly Clarkson’s Since U Been Gone – and I haven’t seen someone eat a potato chip this dramatically since I watched Death Note
the chip related drama didn’t stop there as she threw them to the floor and stomped on them
Ma’am, it was camp and I lived for every damn second of it.
Of course the inflatable jumpsuit-o-matic 3000 was a reveal, that sadly didn’t go too smoothly for Silky
and while that is incredibly unfortunate for her, I did very much enjoy Kylie watching the horror unfold before her very eyes
and it’s kind of hard to tell with Silky, she might have slipped or this might have just genuinely been her intention
meanwhile Eureka is kind of just walking around giving a very competent lipsync, there’s some high kicks and of course she pussy mops the floor saving production a fortune on cleaning
where she loses it for me was when she began saying she was singing the song for her dead mother which… is not the vibe of Since U Been Gone, especially when the very first lyric after you tell us this is “You had your chance, you blew it! Out of sight, out of mind!”… but she gave some genuine emotion and she wasn’t in any way trapped within a torture device of her own creation and that counts for something.
Of course we don’t actually get to find out the result of the lipsync and really it could go either way, Silky was messy in a way that was a little uncomfortable to watch but at the same time, Eureka didn’t *do* a great deal. I think personally, I’m rooting for Silky, I think she worked her ass off in all of these performance and heartily deserves it, even if she gets eliminated next as inevitably will happen for either of these queens if they don’t win the subsequent episode. My brain however says that Eureka has it in the bag and they will in no way let someone leapfrog from Week 3 to the re-semi-final.
So, for now we still have our top 4…
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