Well. It’s over.

GABI SMASH!

That’s a Wrap

This penultimate group of quarterfinalists were being given their brief by Jay Rayner

who tasked them with the deceptively simple challenge of creating a wrap or anything that fell somewhere along the X-axis of Structural Rebellion on the Sandwich Alignment Chart

because somehow, ONCE AGAIN, the quarterfinal finds itself overrun with tacos as both Henry and Gabi made a duality of tacos each

I would’ve asked them to enforce the authority of the Sandwich Alignment Chart more stringently – STRUCTURAL REBELLION OR DEATH! But you try enforcing anything while Gabi is swinging a piping bag around like Greninja’s horrible tongue

Gabi, stop! You’re scaring Henry and he’s going to pull all of his chest feathers out!

this poor man, I fear if he makes it to the final he’ll just end up being that one horrible rescue cockatoo at the zoo that can’t be used in the zookeeper talks because it has half its feathers, smells of cigarette smoke and swears like a sailor.
He was at real risk of being eliminated though for his Taco Twosome of Lamb Birria and Fish Tacos

the Lamb Birria was the more successful of the two – if this series is teaching us anything it’s that if you find yourself filled with the fathomless urge to make a meat AND a fish taco on one plate, ALWAYS GET RID OF THE FISH ONE-

GABI NO! Although in Gabi’s case, her fish taco was probably more successful than her beef one because her beef taco was a bit dry

Gabi’s partner can at least breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that he’s not the one that scuppered her chances

she has nobody to blame but herself

that’s the face of a woman working out where the nearest piping bag is, she has vengeance to enact.

The rest of the offerings were more expected, however Munopa was the closest we were getting to Radical Sandwich Anarchy as she took a Vietnamese bánh mì and turned it into a springroll

I may suspect her of being an industry plant but my God if she isn’t just hell of an industry plant! And if someone in the competition has a real leg up over everyone, I’m at least glad it’s a very charming woman who’s cooking interesting food. I can’t help but like Munopa, she just has an It Factor about her

but I will always be more drawn to the underdogs like Henry who I’m still convinced is the result of that project aiming to bring the Dodo back from extinction and Big Sweaty Darren™. The latter of which did unfortunately fumble this challenge quite badly with his Jerk Chicken and Mango Wrap that felt like the competition winner to be a limited edition option on the Tesco Meal Deal range

that’s is the wrappiest wrap that ever wrapped. The biggest problem was that his Jerk Chicken didn’t have any of the smokiness you’d want because he’d cooked it in a frying pan instead of on a grill

which is a shame because I think if you told Darren that he could’ve barbecued outside with Fishmonger-Harry-Who-Is-Not-The-Same-Person-As-Anxious-Henry, he’d have had the best day of his life

Harry had continued to smuggle things out of work under his t-shirt as he cooked a Swordfish Souvlaki inspired by a holiday he recently had to Greece

the judges all really loved it and he’d perfectly cooked his swordfish which is good because I was under the impression that swordfish is still a somewhat taboo fish to cook and eat on account of the fishing methods and population impact. But I’m sure that as a fishmonger Harry may at least be able to find a more ethically sourced swordfish. Right? RIGHT? HARRY WHERE DID YOU GET THE SWORDFISH FROM?

Lastly we have Dan who was sort of throwing everything and the southeast asian sink into his wrap

I do love the visual impact of the very square paneer in the bisection of his wrap’s structural stratum – I think it’s both very striking and quite funny. Unfortunately for Dan, the flavours didn’t quite come together as the combination of the Satay Sauce and the Kimchi were just far too overpowering.

A Wrap Ranking:
1. Bánh Mì? I’d Like To See You Try
2. Is That A Swordfish In Your Pocket? Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?
3. Oh No, You Got Fish Next To My Meat Taco
=. Oh No, You Got Meat Next To My Fish Taco
5. He’s Got The Whole World In His Wrap
6. Big Sweaty Darren’s Limited Edition Meal Deal

There were two sets of very obvious decision – Munopa and Fishmonger Harry were leaps and bounds ahead of everyone else in this challenge so were going straight to Knockout Week

whereas Dan and Darren just hadn’t quite met the mark so were going home

this does of course mean that I will never get to witness Big Sweaty Darren and Sausage Fingers Trevor coming together to maximise their joint slay.

These leaves Gabi The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and Henry the Last Remaining Bermuda Night Heron as the filling of my own Anarchist Sandwich. The two of them were really on equal footing and it does seem unfair that either of them went home over the other, however it was sadly Gabi dragging her piping bag off into the sunset

leaving Henry to go look up breathing exercises and other coping techniques to get him through Knockout Week

DO IT FOR GABI, YOU ANXIOUS SWAMPHEN!