Tag yourself.

Myles Stephenson of Rak-Su’s Bruscetta

Making bruscetta on this show is the equivalent of just lying down and giving up – there is absolutely no skill involved in it – and everyone then had to try and feign concern about whether or not his truffle vinegar would be nice or not.

Judy Murray’s Muppet Murder

To be fair, it was more of an aesthetic faux-pas to serve something that looked like Fozzy Bear in extreme agony than it was a culinary nightmare to serve a lime and coconut chicken dish.

Felicity Montagu’s Geometric Chicken and Rice:

By all means this apparently tasted quite nice, but I’m just very concerned by how rectangular that chicken is? How has she managed that? And paired with not one, but two domes of rice – it looks like a GCSE maths equation and I don’t appreciate being attacked like that.

Pillow Salesman Thomas’ 2 Fish, Big Veg:

Two great big salmon fillets and a mausoleum of crushed potatoes – all of it unseasoned. Truly Thomas was the pinnacle of British cuisine.

Dominic Littlewood’s Pineapple Boat and Asparagus Spears

Ah, the tropical aesthetic of a pineapple with… asparagus?

Riced Stuffed Peppers With Rice ‘n’ Guac

It’s a fact that Masterchef has a weird relationship with vegetarian food and this never shows up more than in the mass catering challenges for which they pretty much toss a coin for either making stuffed peppers or a chickpea curry BUT USUALLY THEY HAVE THE DECENCY TO NOT SERVE THE RICE STUFFED PEPPER WITH MORE RICE.

Have the vegetarians of the world not suffered enough at the hands of this show?

Pillow Salesman Thomas’ Burnt Tart and Fudge

It’s like a Tarte Tatin that never got inverted so it sort of just scorched and dried out, but the true star of the show was the toffee sauce that solidified on the plate and just became fudge

so not only was the tart dry but the sauce was solid.

Dom Littlewood’s Veggie Bhajis and A Single Quail Egg

The scorched, dry bhaji was bad enough on its own but what really pushes it over the edge was serving it on a single iceberg lettuce leaf and topping it with 1 (one) poached quail egg that was over done and failed to add any moisture to the fried hamster bedding.

Pillow Salesman Thomas’ Kormapocalypse

Oof. I’m not sure we’ve ever had such a cocophony of failures in one serving, from the dog’s dinner of a bhaji that had just given up on itself to the what-we-shall-generously-call-naan-bread which could cause severe blunt force trauma to the soupy curry miscellania all crescendoing in the overcooked rice that looked like a practical effect in Ghostbusters,

Crissy’s Rock’s Pork Chop Dessert

A honey glazed pork chop is an appealing sight on any menu but when Crissy began to reel off that she was pairing it with both carrots ad sweet potatoes and quite how much honey she was using – the dish essentially became a Greek dessert.

Pillow Salesman Thomas’ Tower of Beige

When people ask what British cuisine is, it is this. All we have is beige.

Felicity Montagu’s Fridge Chiller Needs a Clean

I’m having war flashbacks to the state of the one fridge in my flat at Uni, I can smell the spilled milk and cauliflower that lay unclaimed for several weeks even now.

Crissy Rock’s Unlawful Marriage of Fish and Pears

Every part of this dish is a nightmare – the desecrated carcass of the sea bream with its teeth still grinning away at you, the pick up sticks game of overcooked carrots AND THEN the surprise that lay within that pile of undercooked rice – PEARS. Hands down, sea bream and pears has to be the worst combination of flavours to appear on this franchise -move over Cod Cheek Omelette, we’ve got a new sheriff in town.

Dom Littlewood’s Poor Egg Timer

This BBC reboot of Wall.E is dark.