Strictly 2022, It Takes Two Week 2: Sacrificial Prosthetic Lambs

A rare and elusive Quadruple Denim sighting.

Remember, if anyone sits in separate chairs they must HATE one another.

*Record scratch* *Freeze frame* “Yep, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got into this situation…”

It’s called fashion, sweaty. Look it up.

Matt Goss is living my dream – dancing with Nadiya, wearing nice hats, eating entire cakes by himself while wearing nice hats.

I apologise for the amount of thrusting in this recap.

Recap ahoy!

Missing: One Medium Sized White Horse, please return to Tess Daly if found.

WHO. MADE. THE. BOAT?

Well, we did it guys. We’ve made it to the final and I’ve still got most of my fingerprints in tact. 3 more years of this and I’ll be an unstoppable cat burglar!

I needed a striking header imagine and I’m afraid it was this or Neil Jones looking like your Bad Vibes Uncle. Consider me merciful.

It’s the last hump before The Final and somehow the Halloween pro dance continues to haunt me. You’ve been warned.

I wonder what this means in the Naval Flag Code?

It’s the semi-final baby! So rev your engines and get ready to drive that glittery bus over one of your favs!

We call this “Portrait of a Woman Who Never Has To Salsa Again.”

And now for the most tense Results Show I can ever remember!

And here we see a man consoling his favourite sack of potatoes.

It’s the quarter-final which means I’m lulled into a false sense of security at having to only recap 5 dances before being thrown back up to 8 next week.