Yeah, he’s called Mr. Tesco and he does great!

I’ve popped back up eventually!

Pop-up Goes The Weasel

For the remainder of Knockout Week’s episodes the chefs have been divided into two groups as we head into the Pop-up Restaurant Round, a moment that Mark’s entire Barbecue Life has been hurtling towards like a smoked sausage supernova

as usual, the challenge involved cooking for a group of 30 fellow pop-up owners which is already a workload BEFORE you paint yourself into the corner of cooking 90 pasteis of three different flavours

as Caroline worked her fingers to the bone making Pasteis (a word that nobody pronounced the same way twice and Marcus definitely just thought was “pastries”) little did she know she could’ve got away with make but a single profiterole

well yeah babe, IT’S A SINGLE PROFITEROLE? I can’t quite get over the fact that nobody mentioned it and instead waxed lyrical about how Anthony has tapped into the ethos of pop-up food by making a novelty portmanteau

meanwhile the life left Monica’s eyes as she learned about Cruffins

the thing was, Anthony could’ve given everyone two of his *grits teeth* …Tiramichouxs… because they started bringing out seconds before anyone had even started on Polly’s Banana Bonanza

and sure there were some various technical skills going on with Anthony’s Singular Choux – choux pastry itself isn’t easy and he’d made a coffee ganache, amaretto gel and covered it in a craquelin shell – “crackling” if you’re in charge of subtitles (is French a joke to you, diva?)

But it does all pale into comparison when you look across the way as Caroline drowns beneath Brazilian empanadas and Mark starts handing out sausages like Oprah Winfrey giving away cars because he’s catering for An American 30

and yes, it was as erotic as you think and if I gif’d any of it, you’d have to start verifying your ages to visit the blog

Marcus was almost as hot under the collar because for a fleeting moment he thought that he and Monica were about to get that gourmet stadium food they’ve been hankering for (SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAKE A BURGER)

unfortunately, under no circumstances are you meant to put the sausage in the bun, that would be untelevisable! It is categorically NOT. A. HOT. DOG. Little did Mark know that if he’d called it a HotHog and served it like that he would’ve been truly tapping into the pop-up divine because it, after all, is purely about word play

the whole Whole-Hog-Not-Dog did sound really, REALLY good – jalapeno cornbread? YES PLEASE

and everyone loved it, except this one guy who could feel the encroaching threat upon his Burger Business and was NOT going to declare fealty at any cost

and Mark could very well have won this challenge and been the chef to move straight onto Finals Week had it not been for Ismail and his Mutton Haleem

he was at an instant advantage because not many of the diners was familiar with the concept of Haleem – which is a spiced lentil porridge apparently best enjoyed at 2am

it sounded delicious – I was initially worried about how it would be texturally but I got over that the moment I saw Polly’s ice-bathed banana turning to snot that nothing could be worse than

she did eventually manage to master the art of Tanghulu – a Chinese street-food in which fruit is glazed with caramel and dipped in ice water to solidify, which was being served alongside Banana Fritters, a Caramel Sauce and that blitzed banana ice cream that every mother in the 90s tried to convince their children is just like real ice cream (IT IS NOT, STOP SPREADING LIES)

the general opinion of this gathering of banana that breaks the Freedom of Assembly laws in Russia was that it was a truly evil amount of banana to put on one plate with but a single pot of caramel sauce to cut through it all, most definitely not worth depriving the Coppery Titi Monkeys at Chester Zoo of their week’s ration of banana. Polly, you’ve made the monkeys sad.

An Unofficial Pop-up Restaurant Dish Ranking:
1. Ismail’s Haleem-a-Matata
2. Going The Whole Hot Hog
3. Caroline’s Pasteis Platter
4. But A Single Choux
5. Please Sponsor A Monkey

The win was between Mark and Ismail who had the only dishes that came without any real grievances (I REBUKE THE BURGER DYAD). In the end, Ismail was the one progressing straight on, which I do agree with

I think they could’ve just told him at BoxHall rather than dragging him back to Birmingham for this announcement though.

Keeping It In The Family

In order to decide which one of the remaining 4 chefs would be eliminated, they had to cook a Family Favourite Dish. Or if you’re Caroline you can get away with cooking a dish that your family ate one time and nobody will question it

this is a Julia From Drawfee level of ignoring the brief and I don’t think the dish she ended up making was even worth not engaging fully? You cannot convince me this isn’t just a dish she makes regularly for private clients and she was going to shove it in a challenge hole no matter the shape

I feel nothing when I look at this – it’s cold and emotionless to me. I can admit that Caroline is probably the most technically talented chef this year but you can tell she’s a corporate private chef.

The others had all engaged much more with the actual challenge brief, most of all Anthony who was making a trifle inspired by the one his gran used to make

I greatly enjoyed the story about everyone turning up to the first Christmas without her with their own trifle because my great aunt and her three sons all gave each other Obama’s Autobiography for Christmas one year because, similarly, nobody had thought to communicate with one another.
Unfortunately for Anthony though, his Trifle was not well received and he got a major dressing down about trifle schematics from Marcus Wareing because Anthony had covered his trifle with a sablé manhole cover

your trifle has to be accessible, Anthony. If Polly can barely open the freezer, how is she meant to eat this?

cutting up an entire monkey enclosure’s worth of bananas really takes it out of you.

Polly was continuing the dessert train going, this time making a Pear and Ginger Cake inspired by her favourite school meal

it did end up being a little hit and miss with it being VERY sweet but she was greatly benefited by it being easy to eat and still recognisable as a Pear and Ginger Cake whereas once Anthony had added long pepper chantilly and a strawberry sorbet to his trifle it was less Nanny Rita’s Packet Trifle and more of a Theseus’s Trifle.

Lastly we have Mark who made a REALLY good Dan Dan Noodle dish served with Sechzuan Crispy Chicken, Bok Choi and some crispy nori crackers on the side

it sounded amazing – I do hold any sort of a cured egg yolk at arm’s length because of the things I’ve seen on MasterChef at large but the judges all raved about it and it was certainly the dish from this round that I was most interested in.

An Unofficial Family Favourite Dish Ranking:
1. Dan-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Noodles!
2. Polly You Still Have To Apologise To The Monkeys
3. Anthony’s Inaccessible Trifle
4. Caroline’s Room Full of Vampires Moment

I was personally least taken by Caroline’s lamb dish, it just didn’t excite me at all! But I do also think serving a sorbet atop a trifle is wilderness hours in the kitchen and think everyone really glossed over that in favour of the sable biscuit mantle, and so Anthony was leaving

I really enjoyed him as a contestant – he had a great rapport with the judges and he made some great food along the way and even the dish he went out on was by no means a disaster and if he’d been in the other group, he may well still be in.