Ariadne Reviews

Your Premium Reality TV Recapping Nightmare

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 11: Potato Scrubbing Penance Walk

Black Swan (2010, Darren Aronofsky)

That’s Miss Reviews, to you.

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 10: Nutritionally Defunct Gravy

The champagne is burned.

This recap is 50% potato.

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 9: Literal Snake Oil Salesmen

Welcome to Netflix’s gritty reboot of Flubber.

Please don’t touch anything, it might stain.

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 8: Luxury Burger Meat

I’m at this gig right now alone and everyone has wanted a photo with me but no one has asked how my day was, so I’m just sitting here in vip all alone, feeling alone. this industry really is a lonely one huh.

How much could one burger cost? £35?

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 7: Buttery G

A cruel and unusual punishment.

This recap is a prototype.

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 6: The Very Hungry Vegetarian

Oh, she’s about to pull a Claude.

You may have one glass of water while you read this recap.

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 5: Sadly-not-cowboy-boots

I love randomised Sims.

I hope you know what an onomatopoeia is.

The Apprentice 2023, Episode 4: Beleaguered Basketier

What happens in Brighton, stays in Brighton.

Welcome to the stage, Miss Sahara Desert Rose!

The Apprentice 2023, Week 3: Fricative Tennis

Welcome to the end times, we have no fun and no games.

Who needs hands when you’ve got friends like these?

The Apprentice 2023, Week 2: Generic Meat-flavoured Meat

It’s called fashion sweaty, look it up.

This episode was the worst thing to happen to Dinosaurs since Chris Pratt.