OOH MATRON!

This quarter-final has it all: Colour! Magic! Souffles! Monica Galetti on the verge of fighting a man!

Marcus has had the new Adele album on replay all week.

Haven’t you heard? Spoons are the new fish slices.

It was a mistake to let Hannibal Lecter on the show.

The following recap contains stomach churning egg content, reader discretion is advised.

This is fine dining Monica, you’ll be luckily to get a third of anything.

Are you ready for the word “mustard” to lose all meaning and watch a Duck a l’Orange go through a messy divorce?

Tonight, we’re getting existential!

Surprise! It was on Wednesday this week! Where in the timestream will it appear next, find out on Doctor Who: Flux this sunday!

Well, if there was a character that Gregg Wallace was born to play, it probably was Homer Simpson.

We start our second round of heats with Pasta Confusion, Pesto Disrespect and Kirsty, the Lady Jane Grey of MasterChef.

How many professional chefs does it take to open a tin of SPAM?

We’re hitting all of the MasterChef: The Professional tropes tonight: tartares galore, new and awful things being done to scallops and professional chefs being flummoxed by every day ingredients.

Relatable content.

Well at least not every episode is going to be torn in twain and its pieces scattered to the winds of fate, where they land in the TV schedule being up to the televisual Parcae only. Let me know if my numbering of the episode titles is confusing and I’ll try and adapt it though.

I think we might be slightly mixing metaphors there but… I get the gist.

Content Warning: Piscine Hate Crimes.